tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47675723264230556012024-02-18T21:26:29.250-05:00I'm a girl without a plan...I'm hopeful you'll find my writings amusing! Talk to me soon!!justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-71154225360112834432016-06-01T15:16:00.002-04:002016-06-01T15:16:39.879-04:00JuneWell. The month is here. I have 29 more days to go before it is over. This is a month that I really don't like. And this year it is much worse. I have to deal with some legal issues. That's really all I can say since it is ongoing. But, it isn't going to be an easy one.<br />
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There are many reasons I'm not a fan. Father's Day sucks when your Daddy is no longer living. The day after my birthday is the anniversary of my Uncle's death. there are other things that have me riled up about the month. But, I can't really get into them. Maybe one day. But today? I have to still keep it all bottled up.<br />
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So, pray to your God, send good karma, or vibes or whatever it is that you do. But, send them all to me. I need all the help I can get for the next 29 days.<br />
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Talk to me soon. Please?justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-91803801108079276922016-05-30T11:09:00.001-04:002016-05-30T11:09:30.956-04:00Swollen eyeswell, when you wake up and your eyes are so swollen, all you can do is wonder why you cried all night in your sleep. Now I have all day to over-analyze why I was crying. I can try to say it was it was because of the month of June, which makes me very sad, but it isn't.<br />
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It is because of a choice I've made in my life. Now, I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to get myself untangled from this mess. The problem is, I don't know if I want to be untangled. As you may have guessed, this decision is about a boy.<br />
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If he's causing me this much grief and sorrow, why do I stay, you ask? It's because as much as grief as he causes me, he causes me even that much, or more, joy. My whole emotional life is such a roller coaster right now. One minute I'm up. The next I'm down. I've got such high highs and low lows that I never know from one minute to the next. Am I going to be laughing or crying? No, I'm not bipolar, not that there is anything wrong with having that mental illness. I am just depressed. So very depressed. And yes, that is a medical diagnosis. Not a self-proclamation.<br />
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I'm sitting here typing this and the tears are rolling down my face as steady as a stream. So, I think that's my cue to stop writing for now. If you have any tips or advice, feel free to comment. I'd love to know that anyone is listening.<br />
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Talk to me soon, xoxojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-79782266648568446212016-05-22T00:42:00.000-04:002016-05-22T00:42:03.928-04:00Another day, another panic attackWell, if it isn't one thing, it's another. But, today, no tears have been shed. I've came to many conclusions today, each one contradicting the last. Leaving, staying, taking him up on his offer to date other men, deciding to not date others. Going back and forth on optional surgeries. Well, I feel they are necessary, others don't...including my insurance.<br />
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My impulses are just to give up. I'm putting myself up for adoption. Feel free to comment if you want to take responsibility of me.<br />
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xojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-28965542890004683492016-05-20T22:14:00.000-04:002016-05-20T22:14:39.906-04:00Where have all the tears gone? Well, I've almost been through the whole day with no tears. and the few I did have, had nothing to do with him...so that's a bonus, right?justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-75235304709928676802016-05-19T22:00:00.001-04:002016-05-19T22:00:26.071-04:00Am I really this stupid?Yes, you read that right. Today I feel like an idiot. For many reasons. One of which would be because the way I'm allowing myself to be treated. I am head over heels in love with this man. Every single inch of my being is because of him. <div><br></div><div>He wants something, I go buy it. He casually mentions something, I make a mental note and surprise him. I see something I think he'd like? I run and go buy it. Why? Because that's who I am. I'm a giver. I enjoy seeing the pleasure on his face when I give him something. Plus, he loves surprises. </div><div><br></div><div>But how many red flags will it take for me to realize...maybe this isn't a healthy relationship. I'm not going to list the flags, because if you're reading this, and know me, you'd probably come smack me. And for good reason. </div><div><br></div><div>I lie in bed and cry at night, but during the day, when I'm able to speak to him, I'm euphoric. Im giddy, I feel like a schoolgirl. But is that enough to make me happy? A part-time lover (stop singing!) is all I have. Why do I allow myself in these situations? </div><div><br></div><div>When will I allow myself to be truly happy? Or, realize that I deserve to be happy? Maybe I'll just be the single, old lady that no one ever misses. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-36066065080628607282016-05-15T17:40:00.001-04:002016-05-15T17:40:15.712-04:00This used to be an e-mail<div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I spent the whole morning thinking of you. Wondering how your night was, what you did, if you were happy. If you thought of me. If you ever think of me when we aren't together? </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Then I realized, that's stupid. Of course you don't. When you're not with me, you're with the love of your life. The woman that makes you truly happy. The woman you'll be with until the end of your days. I'm just a distraction, a shiny new toy. Your latest plaything. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">You said on that very first day, you became addicted to me. What does that mean? Honestly? I don't think I've ever been addicted to anything, so I'm a bit unsure of what that means. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I adore you, entirely too much. You hold your emotions close and don't let anything out. It makes me sad that you hold so many secrets, but maybe one day you'll trust me. I'm not sure what I need to do to earn your trust, maybe I should ask. I never have. And that's on me. You tell me to just live in the moment and take things day by day, but, it's so very hard. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I do that in some aspects of my life. I did actually die once. Obviously, they brought me back, but, since then, I have tried to live each day to the fullest. It's very hard when I don't even know if we will have a tomorrow. All we will ever have is today, and that scares me more than I have ever been scared. And trust me, I've been one scared little girl many, many times. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I know I'm never actually going to send this to you, so I don't know why I keep typing. It's cathartic, like my blog. Writing is always a good release for me. Maybe I should have made this an entry, not a phantom e-mail? </span><br></div>justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-58468080197939806492016-05-12T22:15:00.000-04:002016-05-12T22:15:00.402-04:00Supermodel? I think not. Well, if yore keeping up, I know you're on the edge of your seat to find out how my big photo shoot went.<br />
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It started out with me getting lost trying to find the place. I finally get there and it was a bit while they were setting up the shoot. They have me and another girl pose a few different ways and I'm angling my face for thr best light and to get the best angle.<br />
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The photospherer looked at me and said you do realize your face won't be in this, right? So, my fantastic new highlights and blowout were for nothing. Well, not really. They look fab. But, only my hands, legs, arms and maybe my butt will be famous. Maybe I'll be the next Kardashian.<br />
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Talk to me soon, marshmallows!<br />
xoxojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-59109854564130311942016-05-11T22:44:00.001-04:002016-05-11T22:44:17.887-04:00What's new?nothing. That's what's new. I take that back. Tomorrow I'm going to do a photo shoot for an ad campaign. What's this? You didn't know I was a model? Me either. I'm not sure if I was a pity pick, or what. But it has something to do with the pizza they sell in our stores. Maybe it's because I'm a fatty.<br />
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Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted! Who knows...maybe I'll even post a link to it!<br />
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Talk to me soon marshmallows. xoxojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-31821200882080651542016-05-07T00:08:00.002-04:002016-05-07T00:08:29.530-04:00Today's another dayWell, each day comes with a new perspective, right? It's been what seems like weeks since I have seen my Charming Suitor. He surprised me this morning by waking me up. CS has a key to come and go as he pleases and I love it when he surprises me.<br />
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It was really early this morning when he came by and he really only had about 15 or 20 that he could stay. He had to be at work early and once I finallu woke up, it meant the world to me that he came to see me.<br />
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I wanted hi, to crawl into bed with me, hold me and never let go, before I reslixed he only had a few minutes. We made the most of the time we had. Now it just makes me miss him even more. I really want this man to be completely mine. But, I know that isn't an option. I just hope I don't fall in love. He's already told me the consequences if that happens. There are two, and neither are good.<br />
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Talk to me soon jellybeans, xoxojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-68062502872155019282016-05-05T00:39:00.003-04:002016-05-05T00:39:37.723-04:00Am I worth it?Have you ever asked yourself that question? You're human. Of course you have. Well, I'm asking myself that over and over lately. Parts of my life make me so sad that I just can't even imagine how I got here. Then, I realize, I'm here from my own free will. I've made my own choices and they all brought me to where I am today.<br />
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I have a wonderful, beautiful man in my life. When we are together, it is amazing. But, we are not exclusive. Or, he isn't. I knew this going in, but I just don't know if it is better than being alone. I'm so euphoric when we are together. But, there's a lot that I don't know about this man, and I probably never will. Now, I'm not talking trivial stuff, but things that a girl should know about her boyfriend.<br />
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I can't imagine my life without him, but, I know we will never be completely together. He will never open up to me.<br />
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As I write this, I know what I should do, but am I really that strong? Do I really deserve love and happiness? Talk to me, jellybeans.<br />
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xoxojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-4004579536023407492016-04-28T00:44:00.001-04:002016-04-28T00:44:21.125-04:00A new man...Well marshmallows, guess what? I have a new man in my life. He is such an incredible, amazing man. He treats me better than anyone has in a very, very long time. If ever. <div><br></div><div>He's so kind, generous, amazing, gorgeous and is such a great man in my life. I don't ever want to have him leave, but, as we both know, everybody leaves. </div><div><br></div><div>For right now, I'm wallowing in bliss. I love when he surprises me. He loves to wake me up in the mornings. He works earlier than I do, so he sneaks into my house and wakes me up. Whether it is with sweet kisses, or clbing into bed to cuddle, I love it all. </div><div><br></div><div>He is quite commanding. Who knew I liked being submissive? Not this girl! Well, talk to me soon. I hope your days are as glorious as mine have been lately. </div><div><br></div><div>Hugs and love, xoxo...Mina </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-51468408546038792372016-04-02T21:55:00.001-04:002016-05-15T17:43:11.917-04:00The list of CraigOSo, the list by Craig normally gets a bad wrap. I innocently answered an ad posted for a part time/freelance job. When I had pretty much forgotten about this post when he sent me a text asking if I were still interested in the position. <div><br></div><div>We talked back and forth on text for a day, almost constantly, back and forth. It was a witty banter and this seemed like a really cool guy. </div><div><br></div><div>The conversation steered toward a more intimate level and I stopped him right there and asked if that was what he was really wanting. He said no, he wasn't opposed to that type of arrangement, but it was honestly for the job. </div><div><br></div><div>We kept talking and about 9 that night, we decided to meet the next morning. I got to see if I would be a good candidate for the job. This isn't a traditional office job, so, we met in a public place, a restaurant parking lot. We began to talk and the job never once came up. He truly was the man he had sent me pictures of, so there was some relief there! </div><div><br></div><div>We did a bit of talking, and a bit of kissing, but no interviewing. So, back on the job hunt. But, who knows what may come of this fella. </div><div><br></div><div>Talk to me soon! </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-67963062716821786322016-03-20T12:32:00.001-04:002016-03-20T12:32:04.489-04:00Just one by June?I'm looking for just one date before my birthday with a man who is charming. One who makes me laugh. One who will open the door for me. One who will lot expect for me to go to bed with him the day we meet, or on the first date. I want a man who will treat me like a lady. Is that too much to ask? If you're out there, and reading this, call me! justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-9077857115572228902016-03-11T14:41:00.001-05:002016-03-11T14:41:49.867-05:00I'm still screwed upI know you're shocked! I'm a middle aged woman who doesn't really know what she needs to do. I'm such a cliche. <div><br></div><div>I have a few men I am interested in at the moment. They are all making my life a bit miserable. One lives in a different state. One is in some weird will they won't they situation with a woman who is married. The other is seemingly available, but it seems he may not be interested. A week or ten days will go by without hearing from him. Then, out of the blue, here he pops up with a text or phone call. Making me wonder if he possibly is still interested. And to top it all off, another one pops up and only wants a sexual relationship, because he is married. </div><div><br></div><div>So, I have all these men coming at me from different directions. But then, I have to figure out what I want. Who I am. With all the things I've had to go through to get to this stage in my life, I just wonder what I need to do. </div><div><br></div><div>I just want to have someone to be my person. Is that really too much to ask? </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-31064570822338059022015-12-26T19:51:00.001-05:002015-12-26T19:51:23.341-05:00New day, new beauWell, I met a guy. We met online and texted for a bit before actually meeting in person. I fell in love with this man before ever laying eyes on him. I'm in well over my head. This fella is pretty great. It's been going on a few weeks now and I don't know what to do. He is such a creature of habit. He has certain places he likes to go and we don't venture to new places.<br />
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I'm excited to see where this goes. Talk soon!justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-17557631477974567562015-11-30T22:08:00.003-05:002015-11-30T22:08:47.203-05:00What's next?I need to suck it up and become a productive member of society. Don't get me wrong, I do have a job. I do pay taxes. But what's next?<br />
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It seems we're always looking for something bigger and better. But what happens when you run out of the next big thing? I am not saying that everything is been sunshine and roses and that I have nowhere to go but down. In fact, I've just been skating along in mediocrity.<br />
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When I say that, I'm speaking professionally not personally. I've had some amazing highs and lows on the personal aspect of my life. I'm just ready to have something professionally, where it feels like I can excel.<br />
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I don't have regrets. And I'm not saying that ironically, there's really no point in them. It does me no good to dwell on the past, to what if the situation, or to imagine another outcome. But as I sit here I can't help to think what I've done the last decade. Should I have stayed with that government job? Should I have accepted that corporate job I turned down?<br />
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Why can't we just have a map? Life would be so much easier.justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-56359014700411746422015-11-28T16:55:00.000-05:002015-11-28T16:55:06.505-05:00Silly meSomeone came back into my life, but only for a minute. I allowed this to happen, so I'm not trying to play a sympathy card. For a very, very long time I felt that I didn't deserve a mate. Tben I started to look around. I saw all my friends paired with their "soul mates" and it got me thinking. Where's mine?<br />
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Maybe I don't deserve one. Maybe I had him and let him go. Maybe he still is yet to come. Or maybe, I'm destined to be alone. One thing I don't like is the uncertainty. I wish that I could just see what was to happen. I don't understand why I feel so alone, when I'm surrounded by people constantly.<br />
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Sometimes I let my depression get the better of me, but I try to not let it win. It's so hard living inside my head. And just think is this all there really years?justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-60246292596160881212015-07-20T21:32:00.003-04:002015-07-20T21:54:03.287-04:00When it rains, it poursHello chipmunks! Well, things are a bit tricky in my world right now. I'm in transition trying to find a new job. The office I was working in closed and the lateral transfer would have me moving four hours away. So, I am not working for a company while looking for gainful employment elsewhere.<br />
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I am also trying to navigate the dating world. It's not fun. Trust me. As I told you before, there are two men who have caught my eye. One, I'm insanely attracted to and am anxious to see where it goes. The other one, not so much. He sends me multiple messages daily. He seems to have no other interests or friends outside of me. We have only been seeing each other a few weeks, so it makes me wonder what he did in his free time before that.<br />
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He is very clingy and has really big self-esteem issues. He seems to need constant reassurance. It seems as though he monitors my social networks and knows when I'm active on them all to send me direct messages saying as much.<br />
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I told him that I'm not comfortable at this point with him having children and he didn't seem to have any problem with this. I find that odd. I just don't know what to do. He's a nice enough guy, I'm just not attracted to him at this point. I want to just see if we are able to be friends. But, I don't know what to do with this. I don't deal well with confrontation. He wants to see me daily. I don't even want to see MYSELF daily!<br />
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Tell me the truth? Do you think I'm a horrible person for not wanting to bring this man into my world knowing he isn't divorced. And, even more important, that I don't want to raise his children.<br />
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I just don't know what to do. Where's Brandi when I need her?! Talk to me soon. xojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-57574056662814385502015-07-11T20:42:00.003-04:002015-07-11T20:42:49.877-04:00I know you're sick of me...I'm 41. We are all going to have baggage. Whether it is with exes, kids, parents, or any combination of those three and anything else. What I need to try to find out is, what is my breaking point? You've been separated for two years, but no divorce yet? You've got kids. Multiple kids. Same mom, different moms, multiple ex-wives? What am I willing to allow in my life?<br />
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This, I need to determine. Before I get involved too deep. Maybe I care for you. Maybe I don't. Maybe I like us on paper, but not in real life. Does this make me a bad person? Let me give you some background. In case I haven't told you, I've never been married. I do not have children. And I'm ok with that, on both counts. I knew from a very young age that I didn't want kids of my own.<br />
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Now I'm at a stage in my life where I need to decide if I want someone else's kids in my life. I haven't been able to discuss this with my therapist, so by default, you are my sounding board. How am I going to navigate this?<br />
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There are two men that I'm currently seeing. (And I use that term very loosely!) They both are in the process of getting a divorce. One has signed the decree, just waiting on the finalization period. The other hasn't even filed paperwork yet. They both have multiple children. I'm attracted to one of them, the other, I can't decide.<br />
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I just don't know what to do. Why oh why am I in this situation?! Feel free to respond, I'm anxious to hear your reactions. Good, bad and ugly. Talk to me soon! xoxojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-87677253607310800732015-06-17T07:59:00.002-04:002015-06-17T07:59:37.865-04:00This is what a feminist looks likeCall me crazy, but I want to be in love. I want a man to hold my hand, to kiss me like he's never going to see me again. I want to have that all-consuming passion. I want someone to want me so bad, he won't have anyone else if he can't have me. In other words, I want someone who does not exist.<br />
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It is my birthday this weekend and I think upon reflection of where I've been in life, I'm not sure I've made the best decisions. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any of the decisions I've made, because I regret nothing. Dwelling on something will get me nowhere, I'm on the wrong side of mid-life, so I am just pondering things at the moment.<br />
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For a VERY long time, I just assumed I would never get married, and I was ok with that. I didn't need a man to complete me. I still don't need a man to complete myself, but I want one. I've dated and had a few lovers over the years and they all hold a special place in my mind and heart. They always will, but it will be a small place.<br />
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I want someone who thinks of me and a smile passes his lips. If he has a fleeting thought and thinks it'll make me laugh or smile, for him to call or text me. I want to get random messages that say he has been thinking of me. Or just send one that says good morning. Is that really too much to ask? No one is busy ALL THE TIME!<br />
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I want someone who wants to crawl into bed just to snuggle. Hold my hand as we are sitting on the couch. Hug me just because he hasn't in a few hours. Put his arm around me and pull me close in bed so I am able to put my head on his chest.<br />
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In other words, I want someone to love who loves me back. Truly, madly and deeply loves me with reckless abandon. I will reciprocate, of that you need not worry. Feel free to reach out to me. I hope to find him soon. I'm not getting any younger and I want to spend as much time as possible with him.<br />
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Am I being unreasonable? Talk to me soon. xoxojustmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-81840310924796412122015-06-13T19:39:00.000-04:002015-06-13T19:39:57.351-04:00What to doHello again! Sorry it's been a bit since I last wrote. I have been in a crazy, mixed-up headspace. I don't know where I'm going, or how I'm supposed to get there. My office is closing in five days and I have not been able to line up anything at this point. Not even a temporary position!<br />
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On top of that, I had been seeing this really great guy. He's a few years older than me and we were getting along great. He has three jobs, so he is really busy, but we made it work. He would text or call when he had time. He was always a perfect gentleman. But then, one day, out of the blue, he just went MIA. He didn't return any calls, or texts. He had asked me to be patient in the beginning since he is so busy. I thought I had been, but one night, I called to see if he was coming over. He got really angry at me and said that he'd come when he had time. At that point, I hadn't seen him in three weeks. Another week has passed and he didn't reach out to me once.<br />
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In that week, another fella started showing interest in me. He seems really nice, and funny. He came by today and we hung out for a couple of hours. He was uncomfortable and I tried to lighten the mood by telling silly stories. I am pretty sure I'll never hear from him again.<br />
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So, what's a girl to do. I am so sick of starting over. I'm the only common thread in all these failed relationships, so obviously it is me. I guess I need to talk to my therapist about this instead of a bunch of strangers. Feel free to chime in!justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-36357568823191820522015-03-30T16:55:00.002-04:002015-03-30T16:55:41.679-04:00What's the pointSo, I've been on a high for the last week. Not high on drugs, I don't do those. But, high on life. I just got back from the most amazing trip and it was first-class all the way. It was something I had won from work and there were about 300 other people on this journey as well.<br />
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We were able to take someone with us and since I don't have a husband, or a serious boyfriend, I took one of my friends. She and I had such a good time. Meeting new people, doing new things, visiting places we had never been before. It was magnificent.<br />
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Getting home was a bit of a nightmare, there were mechanical issues, plane delays, waiting in line for five hours to get rebooked, diversions to unscheduled layover airports and the list goes on. It took 19 hours for a flight that should have taken 2 1/2.<br />
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The airline did comp a room for me when I finally arrived in Dallas, but it was a hotel that I was actually afraid to stay in by myself. Thanks American Airlines! So, I had to then go find another hotel that could accommodate me for the evening. That was an adventure.<br />
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I finally get home and my emotions are running amok. I'm not sure why. Since I've been home, I am almost positive that I have ruined a friendship of more than 20 years. I asked a few questions, they were misconstrued and some things were inferred incorrectly. So, now I've lost one of my best friends.<br />
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Do you ever have one of those days where you wish you could just crawl into bed? I am right now. I wish I could call the man who loves me more than anything to come pull me tight and tell me everything will be ok. I just need to find this man. Or, come to the realization that he does not exist and give it all up.<br />
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Some days I just need a hug and for someone to truly mean it.justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-72763893271446655842015-02-07T10:20:00.002-05:002015-02-07T10:20:52.108-05:00HurtingYesterday I received a text from someone I thought I had a friendship. He told me that it was painful to talk with or text me. He said I should think of him as dead. He wanted me to cut off all communication. I told him that I respected him enough that I will do as he wishes, but if he ever needed me or wanted to talk, I would be there. He responded that he would never need me.<br />
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In the moment, I was hurt. I even shed a couple of tears. It made me very angry after I got over the initial shock. I realized that all this man has done is hurt me. He's been quite nasty to me at times but very sweet at other times. The ups and downs of our friendship were very rough for me, at one point, we were romantically involved. That part of our relationship ended and all we were left with were the friendship.<br />
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He has blamed me for all his failed romantic relationships. He claims I am the reason he acts the way he does. I am not the reason for his pain. If he has reconciled in his mind that I am the genesis of all the pain he has endured during his lifetime, that is not on me. I know that. I just wish he would realize I am not the true cause.<br />
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But, now I no longer have to endure his wrath. I hope that one day we are able to be friends again, but until then, I'll just have to hope that whatever the true demons living in him are able to be exorcised.<br />
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Then again...maybe I am a demon. Talk to me soon, xo.justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-32961895664844821952015-02-01T23:49:00.002-05:002015-02-01T23:49:54.508-05:00The Goat FarmerYes, you read that correctly. I went out with this guy who has been asking for a couple years. I finally said yes and agreed to meet him at a convenient location downtown. We somehow became Facebook friends about four years ago. But we have no mutual friends or anything in our profiles that match. I'm not sure how he found me, but he did.<br />
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Every time he's asked I have politely declined the date. I'm not sure why I said yes this last time but I know I'll never say yes again. He asked me to meet him at a bar that is surrounded by a lot of restaurants. As I'm walking up to the bar, i'm dreading it already. We introduce ourselves and he immediately asks what I think about pizza and wine. There's a pizza place a few doors down, so that's where I assume we're going. To my surprise, he turns and walks into the bar we're standing in front of, and sits in a booth.<br />
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I follow him into the restaurant, assuming he wants a drink. To my surprise as soon as we sit down, he asks what I think about barbecue pizza. I look at him questioningly, as the server walks up. He orders wine and asked me if I want any, I did not. I needed to keep a clear head so I can get out of there. He starts talking about pizza again, and I ask they serve food here? He claimed it was the best food on Market Square. (Spoiler alert, it's not!)<br />
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He orders the pizza and asked for jalapenos on the side. The server tells him that he will have to pay for them and he asks how much? She said it would be between one and two dollars and he sat there for a couple of minutes thinking about if he wanted them. He finally decided to get them and I sat there wondering how long I had to stay without appearing too rude.<br />
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He kept talking about getting free food at tailgates and the opera and all of these other crazy things and finally I asked him what it was he did for a living. He said that he didn't work, he had retired already. He dodged the questions about from where he retired. I asked what he did now and that's when he said he was a goat farmer.<br />
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He ended up buying me a flower for the man walking around downtown selling them. I told him he didn't need to do that, but he insisted. Then he took my picture with it, here's hoping it didn't end up on social media! Then he asked to walk me to my car. I told him that was unnecessary. He insisted. On the way to the car, he was limping. I asked if he had parked in the same garage as me and he said no. This is where he asked me to go to the opera with him in February. Valentine's day to be exact. (This was very early January) I said thank you, but I had other plans.<br />
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We rode the elevator up with an elderly couple in the garage. He said he lived in a different part of town and had not driven. He asked for a ride home! I had just met this guy, was completely uncomfortable and did not want him anywhere in my car!<br />
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Lesson learned? Don't go out with someone you've been blowing off for two years and you are not remotely attracted to, it will end badly.justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4767572326423055601.post-79086539351426232472015-01-16T15:50:00.001-05:002015-01-19T15:22:08.113-05:00This weekMy last seven days<div><br></div><div>Friday I was told I was a mistake (romantically speaking)</div><div><br></div><div>Saturday fell off my bed and hurt my knee</div><div><br></div><div>Sunday I don't remember</div><div><br></div><div>Monday really bad date</div><div><br></div><div>Tuesday ten year anniversary of my daddy's death and I had to start testing for organ donation </div><div><br></div><div>Wednesday horrible date (different guy) he even asked me for a ride home </div><div><br></div><div>Thursday was told "it's not you...its me" by someone I had not even met yet! Why do I agree to blind dates?! </div><div><br></div><div>This has to get better, right? Or should I just go buy a bunch of cats and forget it all? </div><div><br></div><div>Talk to me soon. xo</div><div><br></div><div>P.S. I had a date Sunday night with a different guy. He also asked for a ride home?! WhTs up with guys these days? </div><div><br></div>justmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02872792487727664770noreply@blogger.com0