Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Did he really just ask that?

So, I went in today on a job interview. It was for a part-time job, if you're keeping up, you know I'm trying to find a way to supplement my income. Turns out, my full-time job is going away, so I'm trying to save every penny I'm able. I had a nice little savings in place, but in the last 14 months, I've had four surgeries and that has wiped me out. What's even worse, is that in wiping me out, it didn't even pay all my bills! Oh well, that's what I get for being an adult.

Anyway, back to the point. One question he asked me was if I had a gun permit. Funny enough, I got that a couple months ago. I'm just trying to get the money together to send it into the state to become fully licensed. So, I told him yes, I did have one. He said good, you'll have to bring your own gun into work with you during your shift, is that a problem? Now, I haven't bought/borrowed/obtained a firearm yet, so yes, that would be a problem. He said that I could come into work without it, but he did not recommend that. Apparently they get robbed a lot. And the robbers are normally armed.

We continued on with the interview. He told me he liked me and he felt good about it, but he still had others to interview. He is supposed to call me within the week. After leaving the location and coming home, I began to think about the whole interaction. Do I really want to work somewhere that I would need a gun? Do I really think it's a good idea to go into said location without a firearm? Do I want to have a gun pulled in my face so I can make $9 an hour?

Chances are, they are going to hire a man for this, I assume. Not to be sexist, but, I would be left there alone and working at night, in a place I may or may not need a gun would make me a bit uneasy. But, a girl's gotta make a living, huh?

I hope you're doing well, talk to me soon. xo

What would happen?

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you just disappeared? I've been contemplating that a lot lately. If I just vanished, would anyone really notice? I mean sure, all my frenemies would act like they cared, for a day or two. But once the next hot piece of gossip hit, they'd forget about me. 

My mom would be upset, but the rest of my family, I'm not so sure. My true friends would be upset for a week, maybe two, before it started to fade. It all just makes me wonder what's the point? 

I try to do the right thing. I'm nice, I volunteer, I give to others. I put myself last in every situation. But where does that get me? Don't get me wrong, I don't do things expecting anything in return. Ever. I do them out of the goodness of my heart and from an honest place. But sometimes I wonder, when is someone going to do something for me?! 

This sounds pious and self-righteous. I really don't mean it to be. I mean, if I were a Muslim, the scales on my good deeds would far exceed any wrongdoing in my life. But, I'm not, so I don't have to worry about that particular judgement. 

Flowers for no reason, a call just to say I love you, someone missing me so much they can't wait another moment to hold me in their arms, those are the things I crave. And miss. Don't misinterpret me, I'm not whining. At this point in my life, my biggest problem is wondering how I'm going to pay the bills each month. (Or, to be honest, which bills will get paid that month.) No one is currently beating me. I don't have any kids to worry about. I don't have anyone who belittles or berates me on a daily basis. (Just every so often, and I chalk that up to problems in that persons life.) 

Maybe I'm selfish, but I just want to be happy. Genuinely, happy. Is that too much to ask? 

Talk to me soon, Mon'Amis.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Second chances

There is so much negativity in this world, we need to all look at the bigger picture. Not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow. There are so many things that happen that seem like the end of the world at the time. We just need to take a step back and analyze what really happened. That person may be having the worst day of their life. They may be lashing out at you just because you are there. 

In reality, most conflict between people are not really between those two. It's an internal conflict with the person who picked the fight. I normally just let things roll off my back. If someone says truly hurtful things to me (which happens more than you'd think) I don't let them see my hurt. Yes, your words and actions do hurt me. I am a very sensitive person. But, I will only let those emotions come out in private.

Whatever your friend, lover, boy/girlfriend or spouse is going through, my feelings are minuscule in comparison. I will be over it quickly. But, your feelings may not heal for some time. I don't want to compound the situation with me lashing back to you. 

So, the moral of the story is that you should forgive and forget. Holding onto things to throw back into your partners face is only toxic. It will not lead anywhere I want to go. But, I may be an anomaly. 

I hope you're doing well and enjoy my ramblings. If not, let me know. We will still be pals! Talk to me soon! 

Monday, December 15, 2014

A new job?

It's no secret that I am unhappy in my current position. Today a list came out with a list of offices that will close next quarter. While I should be happy to have a job, I am hopeful that when I get the courage to open that e-mail tomorrow, I will have some clarity. 

If it turns out that we are closing, it will be good for me, physically and emotionally. Financially is another story. I am currently living paycheck to paycheck. It isn't cool. I am currently drowning in debt, I have so much that I should be thankful for, but I spent so many years living beyond my means. I am trying to dig my way out, but it isn't easy. It seems as if there is no end in sight. 

I've applied for so many part-time jobs, but I keep hearing the same thing. You're too qualified. You'll be bored. You won't be here for the long haul. Why won't you people give me a chance?! Seriously, I just want to be a bartender. It's my lifelong goal, I promise I'll stick around! 

How do you manage when you're in over your head? Talk to me soon! xo

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Traditions

Herr Drosselmeyer, Clara, Fritz...these are a few of my Christmas traditions. I go to see The Nutcracker each year with a friend of mine. We've gone annually for at least 15 years. Probably longer. 

It's the one consistent thing in my life. My Daffy used to make fun of me, saying that the story didn't change from the year before! But, it's the one sure thing. It's nice to have things we can count on in life. When so much is uncertain in this world, the little things make me feel so safe. 

One other thing you can count on is me watching the Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel. I love them! Especially Moonlight and Mistletoe. That has to be my favorite. It doesn't matter that five minutes into the movie I've figured out what will happen. I still watch them. I've been a bit disappointed in the new films this year, but, I still watch. 

What do you do for your holiday traditions? Talk to me soon. 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

This is why we can't have nice things

Last night, I get home and pull into my garage. I'm getting my bag out of the backseat and I notice the door into my place is wide open. No lights are on and I am contemplating if I should go on inside. Then I realize that's what the dumb blonde that does in the first five minutes of every scary movie does. So, I get back into my car and back out of the driveway. 

I call the sheriff's office and ask to speak to someone I know. He's off. The guy answering asked what's was going on, and he transferred me to 911. Now, the dispatcher starts grilling me, making sure I didn't leave the door open myself etc. He stays on the phone with me until the officers arrive. 

Two squad cars drive up and tell me to stay outside. The whole time they were inspecting my house, I'm worried they're going to have to shoot someone in my living room and that's just going to piss me off. 

I have this beautiful white rug in there. It's a one of a kind and retailed for more than I care to admit! Let's just say it's hand loomed and leave it at that. 

Now, about twenty minutes go by before the two men come out to get me. But, I didn't hear any shots fired, so I'm counting it as a win. They tell me everything looks ok, nothing looks as if it had been gone through. But they want me to double check since I'm the one who lives here. 

Nothing had been stolen, thankfully. No one was bleeding to death on my rug. And all seemed to be ok. I counted these all as a win! 

They proceeded to give me a lecture about safety and advised me to call if I needed anything else. Maybe I just need a guardian. Or a pool boy to do these things for me. Feel free to apply! 

Talk to me soon! 

Monday, December 8, 2014

High School


I was part of a clique in high school that, in retrospect, was kind of like a movie mashup. We were part Mean Girls, part Heathers (without the murder,) a little bit of Clueless and some Bring It On thrown in for good measure. 

What kind of kid were you? Did you have all the "right" friends? Go to the best parties? Wear the current clothes? Did you have the world at your fingertips? I did. I just didn't realize it. Looking back, I can't believe how naïve I was. And, to an extent, I still am. I take people at their word. I will believe anything you tell me. Until you give me a reason not to, I'm going to think your words and actions are golden. 

Another trait I have is to forgive easily. I've been told it's a major flaw. But, it's ingrained into me so deeply that I really don't know that there is anything you could do to me that I would not forgive. Unless you murder me. Then, I wouldn't be here to forgive you. But chances are high I wouldn't hold it against you from beyond the grave. 

Back to high school. There are two moments in high school that still effect me to this day. I wish more than anything I could go back in time, like a book or movie. I know this isn't realistic. I had no idea that a decision would have such a long lasting change in my life. I still have a problem making rash judgement decisions, but I'm trying to work on that. 

I hope you're having a good Monday. Talk to me soon!