Monday, July 20, 2015

When it rains, it pours

Hello chipmunks! Well, things are a bit tricky in my world right now. I'm in transition trying to find a new job. The office I was working in closed and the lateral transfer would have me moving four hours away. So, I am not working for a company while looking for gainful employment elsewhere.

I am also trying to navigate the dating world. It's not fun. Trust me. As I told you before, there are two men who have caught my eye. One, I'm insanely attracted to and am anxious to see where it goes. The other one, not so much. He sends me multiple messages daily. He seems to have no other interests or friends outside of me. We have only been seeing each other a few weeks, so it makes me wonder what he did in his free time before that.

He is very clingy and has really big self-esteem issues. He seems to need constant reassurance. It seems as though he monitors my social networks and knows when I'm active on them all to send me direct messages saying as much.

I told him that I'm not comfortable at this point with him having children and he didn't seem to have any problem with this. I find that odd. I just don't know what to do. He's a nice enough guy, I'm just not attracted to him at this point. I want to just see if we are able to be friends. But, I don't know what to do with this. I don't deal well with confrontation. He wants to see me daily. I don't even want to see MYSELF daily!

Tell me the truth? Do you think I'm a horrible person for not wanting to bring this man into my world knowing he isn't divorced. And, even more important, that I don't want to raise his children.

I just don't know what to do. Where's Brandi when I need her?! Talk to me soon. xo

Saturday, July 11, 2015

I know you're sick of me...

I'm 41. We are all going to have baggage. Whether it is with exes, kids, parents, or any combination of those three and anything else. What I need to try to find out is, what is my breaking point? You've been separated for two years, but no divorce yet? You've got kids. Multiple kids. Same mom, different moms, multiple ex-wives? What am I willing to allow in my life?

This, I need to determine. Before I get involved too deep. Maybe I care for you. Maybe I don't. Maybe I like us on paper, but not in real life. Does this make me a bad person? Let me give you some background. In case I haven't told you, I've never been married. I do not have children. And I'm ok with that, on both counts. I knew from a very young age that I didn't want kids of my own.

Now I'm at a stage in my life where I need to decide if I want someone else's kids in my life. I haven't been able to discuss this with my therapist, so by default, you are my sounding board. How am I going to navigate this?

There are two men that I'm currently seeing. (And I use that term very loosely!) They both are in the process of getting a divorce. One has signed the decree, just waiting on the finalization period. The other hasn't even filed paperwork yet. They both have multiple children. I'm attracted to one of them, the other, I can't decide.

I just don't know what to do. Why oh why am I in this situation?! Feel free to respond, I'm anxious to hear your reactions. Good, bad and ugly. Talk to me soon! xoxo