Saturday, February 27, 2010

Today was fabulous

Hey there invisible audience. I hope you had a fantastic day, because I sure didn't! I want each of you to e-mail the features editor at your daily paper and ask them to carry the Humor Hotel package that the Chicago Trib is syndicating. That was the only bright spot of the day.

Have fun, maybe I'll have more words of wisdom tomorrow.

I'm out.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Another day, another headache

Well, I've been back at work for a couple of weeks now, I'm still sick, have been for almost three months now. It has been quite a joy ride, let me tell you. I'm trying to get myself in a better place, mentally and physically. I have been ignoring myself for a bit, but that's about to end. This boy has turned me upside down and I'm going to get my life back in order. When I do, if he comes back around, I hope I have the strength to say no. He sure does have a hold on me though, so, I'll have to stand strong. The million dollar question is this, can I?

So, you know that song Wanted, dead or alive by Bon Jovi? What year did that come out? Sometime in the 80's, right? Well, all this time, I've wondered what a stale horse was. I had an epiphany today when I realized that the line of the song was actually talking about a steel horse. I assume that means a motorcycle. Seriously?

I'll have more words of wisdom for you tomorrow. Miss me!

Sunday, February 21, 2010


Hello to all the people not reading this blog. I had another blog on a different site and to streamline things, I decided to combine the two together, so, that is the reasoning for all the multiple posts today.

I have a problem. I have been seeing this guy and for the life of me, I'm not sure why I have entered into this relationship.

Why do I get myself in these situations? I'm very annoyed.

**sidenote? Why didn't I go into more details here? Sorry to be so vague.

It's over

Well, Hot Ness Monster and I are finished. It wasn't going to work, Pancakes and Brownie did NOT get along! But, Hot Ness realized that Pancakes was more important and he bowed out gracefully. I have to commend him for that. I guess it's a good thing, since I'm married...have I told you that story? I promised to fill you in on the polygamy story in my last post, so here goes.

Well, I have a husband and wife that live in Belgium. We met on and we lived happily ever after. At least until I ran them out of the country! Speaking of polygamy, have you tried Polygamy Porter? It's a fabulous porter out of a little brewery in Salt Lake City. Back to the original story...

So, here I was, all alone and playing on the Internet. I stumbled across and the rest is history. Jean and Chris, my husband and wife. They are two of the coolest people you would ever meet. They lived in D.C. and I was all by myself in Washington State. We met up occasionally as our respective situations would allow. Although it was never enough, we made the best of the time we had together. We were able to meet up in Kansas City and D.C. a few times. But, before we knew it, we were on separate continents.

So far, it's working out fabulously. Maybe that has to do with the five time zones between us? I'm hopeful that one day, we will be reunited, but until then, I guess I'm just stuck here all alone...what's a girl to do? Questions? Ask away!

Big Love...

My vast knowledge of religion

So, I have a funny story to tell. You may have heard this before, but I wanted to get it out there for everyone to see just how evolved I am in my religion. It's a bit long, but worth it! Keep reading!

I was raised Southern Baptist, as most people in the Bible Belt of the country were. Now, when I got into high school, I began to experiment a bit with other religions. Now, I'm not talking Wicca or anything, but I went to a few churches that were a different religion other than Baptist. One was even nondenominational!

Anyway, do you remember the infomercials that the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints used to have? I do. They talked about the Mormon religion and it sounded interesting, so I thought, what the heck? I may as well check it out! At the end of the infomercial, it showed a phone number to call and get a copy of the Book of Mormon. So, me being the follower that I was, picked up the phone and began to dial. I happily gave all my contact information to the rep on the other end of the line and began the wait for my very own copy! I could hardly wait, I was going to learn all about this new religion that I did not know a single soul who had ever been a Mormon. I was quite the cosmopolitan girl! Suffice to say, two days later, I forgot all about the book.

Then, one day, I received this package and it turned out to be my Book of Mormon. I got all excited again and decided to read it to find out what this religion was all about. Now, I was working at Chick-fil-A at the time, so I was all excited about it. I was going to go and tell my Christian co-workers all about this new religion I had uncovered.

Well, I began to read the book. When I got to the part about Jesus discovering America, I quit reading. Surely that wasn't right?! Wasn't it Christopher Columbus? Were my history books deceiving me? I looked at the introduction to the book and found that Mormonism was founded by the great Brigham Young in 1830. So, I knew it was a little fishy at that point. I put the book down and forgot all about my foray into becoming a Mormon.

Now, fast forward a month or so. At the time I still lived with my parents, I was about 17 or 18, I'm not sure. One night, I was there all by myself and the doorbell rang. Of course, I answered it. Three men in black pants and white shirts were standing on the front porch. They asked if I was home. I told them it was me and asked them in. (No, I didn't ask who they were, but they knew my name, so surely they were safe, right?! Yes, I am *that* naive.)

I invited them into the living room and they gave me their names, Elder Smith, Elder Jones and Elder Jackson. They had come from the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints to talk to me about the Book of Mormon that I received.

They begin their whole talk about the religion, the benefits and the true greatness of becoming a Mormon and living a true testimony to Jesus Christ. They talked for maybe 20 or 30 minutes and asked if I had any questions. I told them that I was just amazed. At that point, they all got big grins on their faces and thought they had reeled me in. One of the Elder's asked me what I was amazed by. To this I responded...I have never heard of anyone named Elder and here all three of you are named it! What a coincidence.

No, I'm not kidding. It took them a minute to regain their composure, but when they finally did, they explained that it was their title in the church, not their first name. After that, I had nothing. I really was that naive. I promise! In some aspects, I still am, but hey, that's one of the qualities you love about me, isn't it?

Keep reading, maybe one day I'll tell you about my experience with!

Me, Nessy, Brownie and Pancakes, are we able to coexist?

Good Morning! I hope you are all doing well. Brownie and Pancakes you're asking yourself? Why just one Brownie and multiple Pancakes? Let me explain.

A bit of background information first. I live in a condo complex and there are at least 100 of them in there, so obviously I don't know most of my neighbors. Ok, so I only know like a handful of them. It's not my fault, I've only lived there 12 years!

Back to the Brownie/Pancakes conundrum. There is this really hot guy that lives on the street behind me. He sort of pops up from nowhere and disappears just as quickly. It's strange, but true. For this reason, I've decided he is like the Loch Ness Monster and to call him Nessy. I'll give you an example. Yesterday, I was standing in my laundry room and I saw his dog, a big chocolate Lab with a tennis ball in his mouth, standing in my front yard. I also named his dog and decided it was a girl. Her name is Brownie. How did I see the dog if I'm in my laundry room, you ask? Well, there are several windows in the front of my condo and it's just a single level. I know what you're thinking, surely there are curtains or blinds? Nope. You're wrong. I have neither covering up the windows or doors in my house. Again, I digress.

I went and threw on some shoes, threw a few things in a trash bag and hauled it outside to see this mystical creature. Of course, they were both gone. Keep in mind this was all in a minute, literally, since I saw them in my front yard. I assumed they were going to the common area up front to play with Brownie's ball. Since the trash compactor or box or whatever it's called, is up front too, I went up there. Nessy and Brownie had vanished into thin air.

I talked to the one neighbor that I do know and told her about my sighting. She too has seen Nessy and Brownie, but they appear and disappear as quickly as they can. I don't know where they go, it's a mystery to me.

Since Nessy and I are going to live happily ever after, is Brownie going to be able to coexist with my cat? Her name is Pancakes. She's big, white and fluffy. She has the most gorgeous blue eyes, they look like the Mediterranean, if she were a woman, I'd swear they were contacts! Last night, I took her on a test run outside to see how she'd cope if other animals were around. Lanie and Coco from down the street came over to help me out with this. Now, they are not the same size as Brownie, but I thought they'd be a good place to start, since they are dogs as well. I'm sad to say, they didn't like her. They barked and growled at her and she just stood there, like a lady with her grand posture and didn't even bat an eye. She made Mama so proud!

Did I mention that Pancakes is ceramic? So, I guess the big question is will we all be able to coexist? I guess you'll have to stay tuned and find out!

I'm such a wordsmith

Hello everyone out there! Now, some of you I already work with and you know who you are. I interviewed for a position about a month ago and I was told that I basically had the job, but the company was currently in a hiring freeze. Well, now I'm waiting in limbo. This job is going to be a lot better for me. I'm ready to get out of the place that I'm in now and I'm really not happy with it. Don't think I'm badmouthing anyone, my current boss knows that I'm not happy and that she should not count on me for the long haul in this position.

So, I guess the moral of the story is that I'm in limbo. I'm still off for my tonsillectomy. Apparently, I am not healing as quickly as I should be. The doctor said I needed to take at least another two weeks off. I guess I shouldn't have thought my sister was crazy when she said I'd probably be off for six weeks!

You'd think I would put this time to good use. Cleaning out my house, sorting through all that stuff that I just had to have at one time, only to find out that I really don't need it and it's just cluttering up my place. I have a lot of that kind of stuff! But, alas, I'm not. I am procrastinating. I'm really good at that! I just wish someone would come to my house and tell me what to do! I find all sorts of other things to do. I mean really, I can't ignore my boyfriend. Have I told you about him?

In case I haven't, or you've forgotten, his name is TiVo. He's the best. He has the stuff I like waiting on me when I get home. He's just fabulous! I can't really ignore him when I'm home all day long, can I? I don't want him to feel left out, or forgotten. I mean, really, he just might get mad at me. One day, I might come home and there'd be no Young and the Restless. Where would I be then? I'd have to sit up until midnight and watch it on SoapNet. Where would I be then? Seriously? If I'm up at midnight, it better be for something other than the Newman's! So, to keep TiVo happy, I pay as much attention to him as I can. Relationships are a two-way street, right?

Now, in case you haven't heard enough of my ramblings, I have to tell you about some new friends I've made. The Salinger's. Do you know them, Charlie, Bailey, Julia, Claudia and Owen? They're all pretty great. I don't know Owen that well. He doesn't talk very much. But, the rest of them are pretty great. There's also Kirsten, she's their Nanny and Charlie's girlfriend. But, you may have gotten to know them in the 90's. Me, for whatever reason, it's taken more than a decade and Comcast OnDemand for me to get to know them. This was a pretty good show, but would the San Francisco DCS really just leave them alone to live their own lives? What does that say about that system? Yes, I know, it was scripted, it's not a reality show. But, they needed stability. I guess Charlie and Kirsten provided that. Charlie is currently thinking of moving the family to Seattle. I'm on the edge of my seat here, does he go? No one is going with him, so I can't see him leaving them alone. But, it's pretty good money and we all know they need it!

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands. I've been off work for two and a half weeks! I had to entertain myself somehow! Talk to me soon!

Are you kidding me?

So, if you have been keeping up, you already know that I had my tonsils out last Monday. It's not been a picnic, let me tell you! Apparently, I have no tolerance for narcotics and the silly messages and e-mails I have sent out in my drug induced stupor have been quite funny. So, I apologize to all of you (and you know who you are!) who have been subjected to my madness.

In addition to this, I have also had some really strange dreams! I have been dreaming about people and places that I haven't seen or thought about in years! I mean, people from high school mixed with people from college and we're all in a location that none of the three groups of people would have ever been at during the same time. I won't go into details here of these dreams, no need to let you in on all the madness that is going on inside my head. I have to keep some air of mystery, right?

Well, needless to say, I have absolutely no desire to go down any path that involves narcotics in my future! I guess being a drug rep is out...I'll talk to you soon!


Well, I had my tonsils out yesterday. It was not fun. Last night, I was on some pretty good pain medicine, so I was feeling pretty good. I could talk and laugh. Today, it's a much worse story! I've just been laying in bed and hoping that the pain would far, it hasn't. Something tells me it won't for quite some time! So, feel free to e-mail or message me. I'm just laying here looking for something to do!

It hurts to swallow and I'm really thirsty. So, those two are not a good combination! I hope you are all doing well. I just knew that you were dying to know what was happening today.

Too much People Magazine?

So, I keep up with my celebrity gossip just like everyone else does. It's my guilty pleasure. I wouldn't know who half of the musicians were or what they looked like if it wasn't for the good people at People. Now, with that said, I *have* to tell you about this dream I had last night.

So, I am at work. Where this mysterious workplace is, I cannot tell you. All I know was that I was in Knoxville. I wasn't doing any kind of work that I normally would. But, I'll get to that in a minute. I didn't know any of the people who worked with me and I am not really sure what all their jobs were. Now that I've given you some clarifying background, I'll get to the actual dream.

Everyone is standing around all excited about the people we were expecting in that day. I'm not sure if I worked at a spa, salon or a music venue. But, we were expecting Joel Madden. Not the whole band, I don't think, but just him. Now, he was coming in to get his mustache shaved. Now, I don't think he has a mustache, but that's beside the point. He came in and it was someone else's job to put the shaving cream on his face. This person covered his entire face, including a goatee that he had in the dream. He was very specific. Do not shave off the goatee, just clean up his face and shave off the mustache.

My job was to shave the mustache and it was someone else's job to "clean up" the rest of his facial hair. I did my job, shaved off the mustache at the same time the other person was doing the rest of his face. I finished faster than the other person. (I'm cannot remember if it was a guy or a girl, but for the sake of argument. Let's just say she.) She asked if I would help her out, it was taking longer than she expected. So, I started to work on cleaning up his goatee. Well, I was just trimming it up, but for some reason, I was using my Purple Schick Quattro ladies razor. Eww, why would I ever let someone else use my razor, much less use it on someone else myself? Did I say eww?

As soon as I took one swipe at trimming his goatee, he went ballistic! He jumped which made me cut his chin. At this point, he was so mad, he just wiped all the shaving cream off his face. I went into the other room and started crying. I'm in this room, all alone and he comes in and shuts the door. He apologizes to me and says that he cannot believe he went off like that and it isn't like him. I apologize for doing the wrong thing and we start talking. I have no idea what we talked about or for how long.

Next thing I know, we're going to eat dinner somewhere in Knoxville with me, Joel and his entourage. We went to a normal restaurant here in Knoxville, but we went past the hostess stand, and back to the back of the restaurant and down a long hallway that had VIP with an arrow pointing the way spray painted on the wall as we went through. Classy, huh? At this point, I'm thinking, "Knoxville has VIP rooms in restaurants?!"

When we get back to the VIP section, it's just a big roller skating rink. I kid you not. So, he says let's go skating. I try to explain the sock conundrum to him since I'm wearing my Birk's. He says not to worry. This rink does not require skates. To which I give him the same answer. I'm not skating with my bare feet where other bare feet have been. Now, I'm no priss, but eww. I don't know when the last time these people washed their feet, or this rink, for that matter! Again, he tells me not to worry. He's got it covered.

Now, keep in mind I don't know Joel, I don't know anyone who know's someone who's dog peed on his lawn or their cousin's mother-in-law's step son's sister walked by him once. So, he may be a gentle, loving and nurturing man at heart, but I don't know if he is or he isn't. Back to my dream.

He tells me not to worry, he puts his arm around me and he takes me out on the rink, Birk's and all. Somehow, once we step onto the rink, my sandal's become skates. They don't have wheel's that magically appear on the bottom, but somehow, I'm skating in Birkenstocks. He's got his arm around me and we're talking and laughing. He tells me he isn't happy in his life, but that he has to stay with Nicole Richie but they just had a baby, so he feels like he has to. He didn't have all those yucky tattoo's all up and down his arms. Actually, he didn't have any tattoo's at all. So, it was like it was him, but it really wasn't. I'm not sure. But, anyway, that's just a minor detail.

I don't think we actually ate at this VIP section, nor did anyone else. We only came there to skate. When we were finished, he began telling me that he really wanted to be with me, but he made a promise to Nicole before he left that he wouldn't get involved with anyone else while he was gone. So, he kissed me and he left.

Seriously?! I don't know what I did before I went to bed last night, but that was messed up! I wonder what a therapist would say about that one?! Oh well, I'm off to have my tonsils out in a few hours. I'll tell you more of my exciting stories and dreams later. I know you're just dying to find out what happens next!

Wise words

I've just finished a conversation with a new friend (a live one, not on here) and I realized that I needed to tell you a few things. So, hold onto your seats, I'm in an odd mood now. Good, but odd. Have I told you lately that I love The Drive By Truckers?

Well, I know you're dying to know what's going on with the car. It's fixed. Apparently there was corrosion around the computer. I'm assuming this was from living on Puget Sound for a year with all the rain and salt water. I was warned that within 18 months, I would be replacing my breaks due to the rust and corrosion. But, I was only there 12 and I had to change my breaks a few months ago. But, of course I forgot about that until this happened and they were all baffled as to how this happened. It was quite pleasing to be able to have a cohesive answer for this to give to the car experts!

"It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit." Anyone know what movie this came from, or who said it? Samantha Baker said it, but that's all you're getting out of me! I just wanted to say thanks for you reading my rants and raves, but I wanted to do it in an original way. But, I guess since these are someone else's words, it's not that original. But, it's better than thank you, right?!

Now, I have one final gripe that I need to get off my chest. Your is your. You're is you are. Why can't people figure this out? Are contractions not taught in the school system any more? At any point?! I went to my mailbox a few days ago and if you don't know where I live, then I'll explain. They're all in a little gazebo-type building at the front of my condominium complex. There's a little bulletin board for residents to post signs. Normally, I don't pay attention to them, I know, I'm a terrible neighbor. But, if you want me to know something, come tell me. Don't hang it up at the mailbox and expect me to read it. Anyway, the whole reason I'm writing this particular paragraph is because of what was on there a few days ago. There was a big sign with the following words. "Your welcome to come to our Vacation Bible School."

I kid you not. Now, you'd think that if one person made this, someone would have had to look over it, to edit or proofread. If not, someone made copies of this. Someone had to walk around (or drive) to the various locations to hang these. I cannot believe that the same person did all of those things. So, for that church, I feel sorry that they have these fliers up all over Halls. But, no one asked me and no one has yet to make me the spelling police. A girl can dream...

I've got Xanax and I'm not afraid to use it!

If you're reading this, I'm assuming you're caught up on what happeded on Tuesday. If not, you need to read the "How I spent my Tuesday" blog first.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, nothing happened. So, I assumed the battery fixed all the issues. Well, I was wrong. On Saturday, I went to work and when I got off at midnight, I went out to my car. It's lit up like the Fourth of July inside there again. The outside lights were not doing anything, they weren't on, or flashing, just the inside. Now, bear in mind that it's about 12:15 a.m. at this point and of course Scott and Mom are asleep. So, I just stand there for a bit and contemplate getting in and starting the thing. Even though I'm a baby and I was scared, I didn't want to bother anyone that late and so I just sucked it up and got in. Even though the outside lights were not on or flashing, I checked to see if the switch for them was on, it wasn't. So, when started the car thinking that everyone has a time to go and if that was mine, so be it. It wasn't. The car didn't blow up, it worked just fine and as soon as I started the car, the interior lights went out. I called Scott on Sunday on my way to work and asked him about this, he said he had no idea and that it sounded electrical and that maybe I needed to talk to Gary, a family friend and the head man at the body shop that I take all my cars after I have wrecked them. Yes, it happens a lot. This is my 13th car! Judge not, lest ye be judged! Only like one or two of them were my fault and those were in the beginning and didn't even really do a lot of damage. I did have one car Senior year of high school that I had like 10 or 12 wrecks in before it was finally totally demolished. The safe driver discount I see on my car insurance statement makes me giggle each time I see it!

Sorry, I tend to get off track! Back to the story, I know you are on the edge of your seat for what happens next.

Last night, I got off around 9. I went out to leave, I started walking to the car. Same thing happened. My car was putting on a light show for everyone to see. The only difference was that it was the exterior lights were flashing and going nuts. The interior lights were behaving themselves and staying off. So, at this point, I'm ready to give up on this car. I assumed it wasn't going to blow up, so I got in and checked the light switch, sure enough, it's off. The emergency lights button was off too, so that wasn't it.

I left work and called Gary. I was on my way home, got to my complex, drove in and as I was driving back to my street, the power steering went out. Luckily, I am on the end, and I only have about 8 feet or so of a front yard between the road and my dirveway. Now, I am a big girl, but apparently, I am not very strong. I was able to turn the wheel just enough to go into my driveway, but then I was not able to get it to straighten out So, I ran into the curb that lines my driveway. I was in my driveway, the car was almost completely out of the street and it was at an angle, so I just turned off the car. No, it did not dawn on my to put on the brake when I realized that I was not going to be able to turn into the driveway.

I got up this morning, went out to leave and it looked like a drunk had parked my car, but I had a solid excuse. I started the car, expecting it either to not work, blow up or lift off into the air at this point, really, it could do anything and it would not surprise me. It worked just like nothing had ever happened. So, that is the end of my story. appreciate it. Maybe I should learn all this myself. Know of anyplace a girl can take night classes on cars?

Well, that's For now...I'm sure there will be more.

How I spent my Tuesday night

So, last night, I went to Carson's baseball game, I had ran a couple of errands first and then Thomas called me and asked if I was coming to the game, so I went on over to the ball field. In case you don't know, they are my nephews. Of course Carson's team won, and after the game they have their team meeting. I went to leave, walked to my car and (surprise!) my car wouldn't start. I had not left on the lights, it just wouldn't start. Kooky, huh? Well, it had happened once before around six weeks ago, so not all that strange to me.

I was called to have someone come boost me off; they said it'd be at least an hour or more. So, I proceeded to wait. I don't do well in the heat, and I'm sitting in my car thinking I'm about to die from it. Then, it dawns on me to open my door. Yes, it was a blonde evening. Then, I get the bright idea to try and figure out what the problem is myself.

I found the hood thingy that pops open the lid (or so I thought!) I walked around to the front and it's stuck on something. There I am, on the ground, trying to look into that two inch space between the hood and the other part of my car and I see that it's stuck on something. I kept trying to push the two pieces apart that were sticking together. Yes, this is natural, I found a little lever/button thing and when I pushed that, the hood lifted. In case you're wondering, I personally don't do a lot of maintenance on my car. Scratch that, I don't do any! I put the gas in, isn't that enough?! My good friends at Fisher and Neubert's do the rest.

I digress, back to the story. I get the lid up, I'm holding it with one hand (it is heavy) and I'm trying to figure out where the pole to hold it up sticks into. At this point, my hands and arms are covered in grease and oil and whatever else is inside my car. I can't get the pole to stand up straight and hold up the hood, it keeps slipping. I couldn't find the hole it fits into. At this point, I'm finished. I had decided to just wait on the cavalry (Fountain City Wrecker) to come and do the job.

At this point, the team meeting is over and I hear them coming down the path. I figured I would just get back in my car to wait. I was putting the pole back down into it's brackets and I hear my brother-in-law asking "What'd you do" So, I told him what was going on. He said he'd go home, get his truck and come back to jump me off. I told him that he didn't have to do that, I'd called a wrecker and they'd be there in a bit. He proceeded to call and cancel the wrecker. So, all of the team dad's were standing around trying to figure out the best way to get my car started. One of them had jumper cables, so he jumped my car. Scott got into the car with me to go to Advance and buy a battery if I needed one after that jump-start. Problem solved, right? Wrong!

I started to drive out of the ball field and I curve around to go to the one exit in the place. As I'm driving back down the hill, the car dies again. When the power goes, so does the power steering! So, I have to make a right turn to get out of this place. My car is dead and I can hardly turn the wheel. There is just enough room for one car to drive through this exit. On one side is a thick metal fence, cemented into the ground. On the other side, is a drop of at least 20 feet. Here I am, in my 13th car, trying to turn the wheel, Scott's telling me to turn it into the exit and I can't get it to turn. I just knew I was going down that embankment, but I guess it's about time for number 14. But, Scott proceeded to yank the wheel from the passenger seat and get me through the gate and coasting over to the side of the exit so other cars may pass.

My sister was supposed to be behind us, following us to Advance. She decided to go out the entrance instead of waiting to go through the one spot you're supposed to go through. So, needless to say, we were stuck. I tried to call my sister and my nephew but neither answered. Scott started to walk home and get his truck but then he got on his phone and called the other coach to come back and help. Then I got the brilliant idea that maybe if I sent Thomas a text, he'd answer that. So, I sent a quick brief explanation, my text was simply "Help!" To that, he responded, but with another text (that I didn't even see until about an hour later after I was safely home.)

So, I'm standing on the side of the road, my car still with no life. The keys in my hands and at this point, it's getting dark. I'm kind of pacing back and forth, just waiting and I realize that there is light coming from my car. I just saw a flash of it, so I turned back around and my car is doing some freaky things. The dome light is flashing off and on. I'm thinking, if my battery is dead, should the lights be working? But, as you've figured out at this point, I'm sure, I know nothing about cars! So, I think it's strange, but Scott's down at the end of the drive looking for our new cavalry to come. The light stopped doing this after about a minute so I didn't think anything about it again.

So, Rodney (the cavalry) comes and pulls up next to my car. Scott tells me they are going to hook the cables to the cars and for me to get in and start the thing. I turn around and it looks like the fourth of July inside the car. The thing is all lit up, it's flashing and it's the strangest thing. At this point, I think I should have opted for the 20 foot drop off, because surely I could have opened the door and rolled to safety before my car plunged to its death, right? Scott and Rodney are just standing there talking and they realize I haven't gotten in, so they tell me to start the car. I had one word for them. Seriously?!

I point out what the car's doing on the inside and they said it was just because the keys were in it and it's getting power from Rodney's truck. Then I showed them the keys in my hand. They look at each other and say "huh, that's weird." So, I'm freaked out thinking that the car is going to explode when I start it. I'm literally shaking. Scott's telling me not to worry, but they both did at least say it was strange. I start my car, it didn't blow up, and I'm letting it soak up the power of those magic cords. It sits for a few minutes and they said it was fine and we're back off to Advance. Scott gets in, we put on our seat belts and I'm still, quite visibly, freaked out. Scott offered to drive, to which I immediately agreed.

He gets in and we take off. He's doing something strange. He's gunning down on the gas pedal at the same time he puts the brake on. He told me what he was doing, but I don't remember what he said. We then realize that Advance is closed by now, it's after 9. But, never fear, Auto Zone is open until 10. So, we're off to the Zone. We pull into the parking lot, my sister's sitting there in her car, she's called my Mom and she's came along too.

As Scott pulls into the parking spot...wait for it...yes, it died again. We go inside and he tells the counter guy we need to check the battery. We had to wait a minute because the outside guy is doing something to someone else's car in the parking lot. When it comes our turn, the counter guy tells the outside guy we need our battery checked. His response? I'm paraphrasing here, but essentially he said the checker thing was dead because no one plugged it in last night. No, I'm not kidding.

The counter guy gets a longer cord or something, but somehow, it worked and the outside guy is telling me that it's so strange; a Honda battery should last at least 7 or 8 years and mine is only 3 years old. At this point, I don't care about semantics. Just tell me what I need to buy to get this thing running because, I'm still greasy and oily and I want to go home! So, we go back inside and he's telling me the merits of one battery versus another one. Again, I tell him that I don't care. Just tell me which one to buy. Now, I'm still being polite, I'm just telling him that I don't really want to know the difference, just please ring one of them up.

He does and it took him a while, but he finally figured out how to get the thing into my car and to make it work. I drove home, took a shower and went to bed. I woke up this morning, got ready and went out to start the car to go to work. Guess what? It actually started. So, I guess my car trials and tribulations are over for a bit...a girl can dream, can't she?

Does this shirt bring out the green in

Yes, I said hair. It's green again. Now, some of you might be saying, again?! Yes, during the summer of 1987 the Sun-In Incident occurred. Remember that stuff? My hair was already blonde, but no, I needed it to be Platinum. So, I proceeded to drown it in Sun-In while hanging out at the pool. What I didn't realize was that the Sun-In mixed with all that chlorine would turn my shade a lovely green instead of platinum.

If you've been keeping up with my sporadic blog, you'll remember the "Flair" incident I last wrote about. I went back and they put some blonde highlights in it to try to take the mouse out of it. Well it worked for a bit, but now the blonde is starting to come out since the brown is fading. But, what a shock here, it's not fading evenly. So, it's brown, blonde and green in some places. The only thing I can come up with is that the brown color they put on my hair mixed with something else has caused the green color to shine on through. So, let your freak flag fly people. Band together with me, my green hair and all the other crazies of the world!

Go ahead, try to pinch me on St. Patrick's Day...I dare you!

Bad Hair Week?

Ok, so I went to a different salon than I normally go to. Let's just call it Flair. I asked the lady (whose hands reeked of cigarette smoke) to put a full color on my hair and make it a dark blonde. I told her specifically that I did not want it to be a medium, dark or even a very light brown. She said no problem, she would make it look great.

Well, needless to say, when she washed my hair and began to dry it, I almost started crying. It's about as brown as a Hershey Bar! It looks terrible!!! About halfway through the blow dry, the minion she asked to dry my hair asked how I liked it and I lost it! I told her I hated it and my eyes started watering. So, now I'm sitting in "Flair" in Fountain City and I'm blubbering like an idiot. I knew better than to cheat on my regular colorist! The cigarette smelling lady came back over and proclaimed that it's exactly the color I asked for. I looked at her like she was crazy and advised her that Chocolate Brown is NOT Dark Blonde. She proceeded to explain to me that it's exactly what it was. I would have complained to the manager, but guess what?! She's the owner!!!

So, I have an appointment this weekend to fix the terrible mess that is on my head. I've cried so much, I just can't anymore. Anyone know where a girl can find a good turban in Knoxville?

It just proves my point further. When you find a good colorist, don't cheat on him. I know you'll never see this, but Kippy, I'm very sorry, you have a big mess to clean up.

Holiday Spirit

Hello everyone! So, it's been quite a while since I have left a little bit of wisdom (ha) here for you to read. So, I thought I would drop by and say hello.

I hope you all had a great Christmas. I was able to see family and friends, as I hope you were. I had a great little reunion last week with some of my best friends from high school. There was a whole group of us that grew up together and we have mostly since parted ways. We still speak occasionally, but not enough. Anyway, I had dinner with three wonderful ladies last Friday night. It was awesome to sit there and catch up on their world.

Isn't it funny how life happens? When I was 16, I thought I would always be best friends with these girls. There were some transient members who came and went, but for the most part, there was always the core group. They were the best group of friends I could have ever asked for. But, like the song goes, "life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

So, I guess the moral of today's lesson is that you should reach out to someone you haven't talked to in a while. If you don't know how to reach them, try the phone book. It's funny how most everyone's parents still live in the same place. Or, you just might find who you're looking for right there in the book.

Ok, I'm done. Ladies, you know who you are, thank you for an amazing night and I hope a rekindled friendship!

I can't sleep

So, I am awake and I'm not very happy about that. Don't get me wrong, if I was doing something fun it would be different. Instead, I am sitting in my bed, wide awake. I have to get up early tomorrow, so I really wish I was asleep!! I get crabby when I am sleepy in the mornings!

Since I'm awake, why not make the best of my time? I'm trying to catch up on some things that I recorded this week. The DVR was the single most important of consumer inventions in the last decade, imho. It has made me quite lazy and dependant! I have no idea what day or channel that Chuck (or any of my latest obsessions) comes on, but I know that whenever it does come on, it will record. It's fabulous. If you don't have one, I highly advocate your aquiring one.

Speaking of Chuck, it's kind of a silly premise, all of the government's top secrets downloading into a man's brain through an e-mail. But, he's saving the world at $11 an hour, or so he claims.

As you may have figured out, I ramble. I talk and talk about completely pointless subjects and try to engage in witty persiflage with pretty much anyone. But, I can be annoying, as I am sure you have figured out by now. So, I have to engage myself and my anonymous audience.

I hope I have entertained you at least a bit. If not, check back, maybe next time you will enjoy yourself a bit more. Talk to me soon!

Summer Roberts

Ok, so unless you have lived under a rock, you have probably heard of The OC. Even more likely, you have probably watched at least a little bit of an episode or two. That being said, I was totally hooked. Granted, I didn't start to watch until year 3, so I had a bit to catch up on, but I still got hooked eventually. As I am sure you have noticed, I have a soft spot for prime time soapy type shows. Yes, I know, I am way too old to be watching this on a regular basis, but at least I admit that I like bad TV...that counts for something, doesn't it?!

Ok, back to the point. Summer Roberts was Rachel Bilson's character on the show. Knowing that I may be out for a bit due to the tests I had ran, I took the liberty of tivo-ing (yes, I made up that word) the Summer Spice Marathon on the Soap Channel. It was seven back-to-back episodes that were filled with Summer at her finest. I started watching the marathon a few days ago. I did not have the energy to watch them all at once. But, I did watch three of them yesterday and I drifted off to sleep watching the final episode. Dude, I had some strange dreams!

I had this really crazy dream where Summer and I were both at Brown and Che had already lured her into that political era where she didn't keep up with her hygene. So, Che had worked his magic on me as well and she and I were in competition for him. Why, I am not sure, it was Che. Anyway, we kept switching back and forth between scenes from various points in the four-year drama that really didn't go in sequence. But, for the most part it was me against Summer. I'm not sure who eventually won, but if you watched, it was kind of like when Summer and Anna were in direct competition for Seth. So, it was just all really strange.

Speaking of Anna, what was she thinking when she showed up to Brown?! Not that she didn't have a right to be there. I'm talking, of course, about the terrible hair extensions that she had in her hair. I really hope she has a better stylist for this new show she is on the in fall.

Alright, I'm finished with my pointless ramble for right now. Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll have more to say one day soon...until then, happy reading!

My old friend Pacey

Ok, admit it. You have all watched Dawson's Creek at one point in your life. I'm laying in bed, watching reruns and Dawson came on. It was one of my favorite episodes. It's the one where Jonathan Lipnicki (from Jerry Maguire) was on it as a kid who was in the Capeside Mentor program. Pacey had landed himself in some sort of trouble (big shock!) and he was assigned to be Jonathan's Mentor. When they first met, he kept calling Pacey Pissy. I laughed so hard it hurt. Do you remember this one? If not, you're missing out! It's also the one where Pacey had to go pick Joey up after she tried to spend the weekend with her college boyfriend AJ, only to find out there was another girl. He then proceeded to pull off the side of the road and finally kiss Joey to show him how he felt. Don't even get me started on Andie's hair! Dude, she has some MAJOR root action going on. I know it was just the WB, but I'm sure she had some money for a decent colorist if not trying to do it (gasp!) herself.

Dawson used to come on before Felicity on the now defunt WB. Brandi and I used to get on our respective couches and watch the two episodes on Wednesday nights. Then we would proceed to watch a movie where I would not even make it through the opening credits most of the time. She always knew I would never make it, but she always indulged me. Brandi was a great friend to have as a roomie!

On a different note, I am in the process of gutting my condo. As you may or may not know, I let someone rent it while I was away with the whole Army phase. Well, it is a mess now! I have had to do a lot of stuff to repair the place and I am nowhere near finished! So, the short version of this very long saga is to never rent a place that you care about.

Ok, so I'm going to lay back down now and go to bed. I hope to talk to you soon! Big props to Angie for my first comment! Yeah, I feel validated that someone is taking their time to actually read my blog. Talk to me soon, guys!

It's just me

Hello, I doubt anyone reads this, so I guess I am talking to myself. But, I'll keep on since I'm such great company. I am currently off from work for a bit. I have to have some tests ran and they think I might have something called Crone's Disease. I don't know a lot about it, but from what I hear, I do not want it. I'm hopeful that it's all just a big mix-up. If not, I guess I'll have to adjust my lifestyle and try to figure out where to go from here.

I reconnected with someone from my past this week and she and I had an amazing friendship growing up. We were from different parts of the state, but we had family that lived next door to each other and that is how we met. Well, to be honest, their farms were across the street from each other! Now we were both city girls, but I loved being able to go spend time with my Great Aunt. For one, because I loved her so much and two, my friend may be at her Grannie's for the same "vacation."

For one reason, or another, we grew apart. It's not as easy to be 18 as it is 8. But, I've thought about her many times over the years and we have kept in contact through her Grannie. But, she passed away this weekend. At the funeral, we were able to speak and I hope that I have this old friend back in my life for good. We still live in different parts of the state, but since I'm old enough to find my way there and back, I'm hopeful this is the beginning of the middle of our friendship. (We've already had the beginning, remember?) This lady and her sister are two of the strongest women I know. They have had to endure so much in their short lives, I don't know how I would have been able to make it through all the obstacles they have had placed in front of them. You are both a tremendous role model for your children. I know, I'm talking to them like they might read this. Who knows, maybe they'll get really bored one day and check it out.

Now, for the funny part of this as you all know, my nephew called me a sweet name when he was little. It was cute and it just stuck with some people. Now, I haven't seen or talked to my new old friend directly in at least ten years or more. As an adult, she has the same nickname as me! We had some fantastic times and some sad ones as well. The point I'm trying to make here is that you should stay in contact with as many friends as you can. Once you get older, you'll realize that you need them in your life. Whether it is for a hug, a night on the town or just a conversation.

Ok, I'm done now. I'll talk to you soon. Hugs, love and kisses...



Hello everyone. I am sitting here trying to figure out why my arm feels like it's about to fall off. No one has hit me, there were no games of Slug Bug in my immediate past and it just hurts. It could be that I'm a big baby. I don't deny it. It's true. I'm not that good with pain. I could blame it on sleeping funny on it, but it just started hurting during the middle of the day. Maybe if I forget about it, the pain will go away. I'll keep you posted, I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat with concern! Talk to me soon...

Acne and AARP?

So, I'm minding my own business and decided I should look at my bank account since I was bored. It helps to know that there's still money in there, right? So, I log in and start wasting time when what do my wondering eyes land upon? You guessed it, some crazy items that I did not authorize. After a bit more digging, I became quite confused. There were a whole bunch of things on there that I did not recognize.

I get out my handy little phone and start making calls. Whoever thought to put a phone number beside a charge was a genius. I think they deserve a new tube of mascara, you know it was a girl, may as well give her something to make her pretty. Anyway, back to the story. I got the first place on the phone and on my statement it said Pro Active Solution with the charge amount. I got them on the phone and started asking a few questions and told them my situation. They asked if I had ever bought their product and I told them I wasn't sure what they sold. I asked if they were a management or consulting company. The lady said no. I asked what type of product they sold and she said ProActive Solutions. Still I'm not picking up on the ProActive part of it, just the solution. I told her that I'm sorry, but I still don't know what type of service they provide. She proceeded to tell me that it is for acne medicine. At that point, a little light went on and I realized what this company was. I told her that I did not order anything from them and would they please reverse the charges. Before I got off the phone, I did have the common sense to ask who the item was shipped to, and she replied....I cannot tell you that, for privacy protection. Privacy, are you kidding me?! I'm paying for the stuff!

The next call I made was to a company called Get My G. Before I called this place, I Googled it to see if it was something I would recognize. But, alas, my trusty friend Google let me down. So, I made another phone call. I was on hold for about 10 minutes and it kept telling me I was next in line to get an operator and I just needed to continue to hold. So, I kept waiting and no one ever came. It reminded me of that Friends episode where Phoebe waited on hold for like three days trying to get someone to answer the phone. I wasn't about to do that, so I abandonded Get My G at that point and moved onto the next.

This phone call was to AARP. Now, I knew a bit about AARP, according to the commercials, they sell insurance or something. So, I got them on the phone and I explained my situation to this person and she responded by saying that I didn't sound old enough to be a member of AARP. Now, I know I sound like a 12-year-old little girl on the phone, but give me a break! That annoyed me, until she told me that you had to be 55 to be a member.

I went to the bank bright and somewhat early Monday morning and told them of my situation. There were still about 10 pending charges according to the lady at the bank. She read them off to me and I told her which ones were not mine and off we go to fill out the paperwork.

Today, I received a phone call from the fraud division of the bank asking me a few questions. There were a few other charges that had cleared overnight and they wanted to make sure they weren't mine as well. Turns out, the fraud person from the bank was someone I went to high school with and she told me what Get My G was since I had never been able to get in touch with them. It was really funny...are you ready? It was Get My GED.

So, all in all, the person who stole my number had ordered acne medicine, wrinkle cream, joined AARP, gotten their GED, downloaded a bunch of music and ordered socks and panties. It just doesn't all add up, but my money was credited, so I guess that's all that really matters! Hope your week is going better than mine!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!