Sunday, February 21, 2010

Too much People Magazine?

So, I keep up with my celebrity gossip just like everyone else does. It's my guilty pleasure. I wouldn't know who half of the musicians were or what they looked like if it wasn't for the good people at People. Now, with that said, I *have* to tell you about this dream I had last night.

So, I am at work. Where this mysterious workplace is, I cannot tell you. All I know was that I was in Knoxville. I wasn't doing any kind of work that I normally would. But, I'll get to that in a minute. I didn't know any of the people who worked with me and I am not really sure what all their jobs were. Now that I've given you some clarifying background, I'll get to the actual dream.

Everyone is standing around all excited about the people we were expecting in that day. I'm not sure if I worked at a spa, salon or a music venue. But, we were expecting Joel Madden. Not the whole band, I don't think, but just him. Now, he was coming in to get his mustache shaved. Now, I don't think he has a mustache, but that's beside the point. He came in and it was someone else's job to put the shaving cream on his face. This person covered his entire face, including a goatee that he had in the dream. He was very specific. Do not shave off the goatee, just clean up his face and shave off the mustache.

My job was to shave the mustache and it was someone else's job to "clean up" the rest of his facial hair. I did my job, shaved off the mustache at the same time the other person was doing the rest of his face. I finished faster than the other person. (I'm cannot remember if it was a guy or a girl, but for the sake of argument. Let's just say she.) She asked if I would help her out, it was taking longer than she expected. So, I started to work on cleaning up his goatee. Well, I was just trimming it up, but for some reason, I was using my Purple Schick Quattro ladies razor. Eww, why would I ever let someone else use my razor, much less use it on someone else myself? Did I say eww?

As soon as I took one swipe at trimming his goatee, he went ballistic! He jumped which made me cut his chin. At this point, he was so mad, he just wiped all the shaving cream off his face. I went into the other room and started crying. I'm in this room, all alone and he comes in and shuts the door. He apologizes to me and says that he cannot believe he went off like that and it isn't like him. I apologize for doing the wrong thing and we start talking. I have no idea what we talked about or for how long.

Next thing I know, we're going to eat dinner somewhere in Knoxville with me, Joel and his entourage. We went to a normal restaurant here in Knoxville, but we went past the hostess stand, and back to the back of the restaurant and down a long hallway that had VIP with an arrow pointing the way spray painted on the wall as we went through. Classy, huh? At this point, I'm thinking, "Knoxville has VIP rooms in restaurants?!"

When we get back to the VIP section, it's just a big roller skating rink. I kid you not. So, he says let's go skating. I try to explain the sock conundrum to him since I'm wearing my Birk's. He says not to worry. This rink does not require skates. To which I give him the same answer. I'm not skating with my bare feet where other bare feet have been. Now, I'm no priss, but eww. I don't know when the last time these people washed their feet, or this rink, for that matter! Again, he tells me not to worry. He's got it covered.

Now, keep in mind I don't know Joel, I don't know anyone who know's someone who's dog peed on his lawn or their cousin's mother-in-law's step son's sister walked by him once. So, he may be a gentle, loving and nurturing man at heart, but I don't know if he is or he isn't. Back to my dream.

He tells me not to worry, he puts his arm around me and he takes me out on the rink, Birk's and all. Somehow, once we step onto the rink, my sandal's become skates. They don't have wheel's that magically appear on the bottom, but somehow, I'm skating in Birkenstocks. He's got his arm around me and we're talking and laughing. He tells me he isn't happy in his life, but that he has to stay with Nicole Richie but they just had a baby, so he feels like he has to. He didn't have all those yucky tattoo's all up and down his arms. Actually, he didn't have any tattoo's at all. So, it was like it was him, but it really wasn't. I'm not sure. But, anyway, that's just a minor detail.

I don't think we actually ate at this VIP section, nor did anyone else. We only came there to skate. When we were finished, he began telling me that he really wanted to be with me, but he made a promise to Nicole before he left that he wouldn't get involved with anyone else while he was gone. So, he kissed me and he left.

Seriously?! I don't know what I did before I went to bed last night, but that was messed up! I wonder what a therapist would say about that one?! Oh well, I'm off to have my tonsils out in a few hours. I'll tell you more of my exciting stories and dreams later. I know you're just dying to find out what happens next!

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