Last night

So, I went to see the movie Land Ho! I highly recommend it, if it's playing near you. It is showing at our art house theatre. Sadly, me, my friend and only one other person were in the showing last night. I hope it sticks around, because it is so funny. With our art house, most movies only last a week. But, run to yours in droves to see it, if you are able. 

After a really funny movie and some bonding time with my pal, I came home and started to contemplate what I needed to do. Laundry, take out the trash, get on my elliptical. I opted for crawling into bed. While I was lying there, drifting off to sleep, I began to think about this certain boy. He is just a friend, but in the past things were more serious. I was just wondering where is now and what he's doing. That was the last thought I remember. 

When I woke up, I was all "what the heck?!" I had this dream about an ex-boyfriend, for clarity I'll call him Finn. (I can call him the b word, we were about 20 when we dated, and no, his real name isn't Finn.) I haven't thought of him in so long, it took me awhile to remember his last name! So, in this dream, he was all "I want you back. We were meant to be together. You're my soulmate, blah, blah, blah." Finn finally convinced me we belong together and then there was this strange car chase. It was in a familiar neighborhood, (that two different exes lived in!) During the car chase, Finn was driving one car, I was in the second with a different guy. We were all trying to get to Finn's parents house. It was all very bizarre. 

Of course, the first thing I did was wonder what happened to Finn. Is he  still with that horrible girl he broke up with me to be with? Did she break his heart (I hoped, I know, I'm a terrible person.) I typed Finn's name into Facebook, and there he was smiling back at me. He had a woman and two kids in the picture, it wasn't the same one he left me for, but I didn't snoop around to find out all about him. I did see he lives one county over now. But, it got me to thinking. Whatever did happen to my ghosts of boyfriends past? This is a rabbit hole, I should probably steer clear of, so I shut down my Mac and just went to work. What are your thoughts? 

Talk to me soon! 

What's a girl to do?

Boys. Men. Fellas. Whatever you want to call your guy, they're all lumped into the same category by being of the male persuasion. 

I'm well past the age that I should put up with things just to be with someone. But, I'm also at a stage in my life where I'm tired of being alone. Don't get me wrong. I don't want a husband. I don't want kids. No one over the age of 25 should call their significant other a boyfriend. To me, or just sounds juvenile. So, what is it that I want? A companion? A lover? A friend? All of the above? These are the burning questions floating through my brain today. 

Then there is the age old question of having a friend with benefits. Natalie, Ashton, Mila, JT and the myriad others do not give is a realistic perspective in their respective movies on this subject. The male protagonist in this real-life relationship is not going to fall in love with me. He's not going to know my favorite flower, or bring me a bouquet of carrots.  He's not going to be the Harry to my quirky Sally. We will not live happily ever after, as they want us to assume, since there are no sequels. And there truly is no Mr. Big. I digress, my apologies. 

Secretly, I'm hopeful if anyone is reading this, they don't know me. I prefer to remain anonymous. On the other hand, if you have a question, comment, snide remark, feel free to let me know your thoughts on the subject. I'd love to hear from you. 

Bonus points to you if you get my pop culture references. 

Talk to me soon. 

To begin with...

I just want to say that I'm a girl without a plan. I have two different degrees and I'm about to go back for my third. I guess I just get bored easily. The two paths I previously pursued, were not what I expected. I became disenchanted with things and here I am now, in my third decade, starting over. I just can't settle for something, whether it's a job, a car or a man. I guess I have high standards, but nothing ever lives up to it. I think I need to reevaluate my priorities. But, that's just me, a girl without a plan. Talk to me soon!

Here we are again...

Well, here we are. It's been a few years since I actually put my thoughts down in this forum, but I feel like it is anonymous enough, so here I go.

This summer, I turned 40. In my mind, I'm still 25. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less about the number of years that continue to tick away. As long as I have birthdays, it means I'm still alive. I don't understand why some people have such a hard time with it. Does that mean they'd rather be dead? But, I digress, that isn't what I came here today to wax philosophical about.

I've begun to reflect on aspects of my life. I imagined that I would have someone to love, live my life with and grow old by this point. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hermit by any means. I date, I have friends and I go out. But, a part of me has began to reflect on ghosts of boyfriends past. Did I let him go too soon? Was I correct in letting this one go? Was that one really the one? Was I too self-absorbed at one point to realize he was right under my nose? Should I really have said no when he proposed?

Most of my relationships have been great. But, I've also been in a few bad ones. I've never been beaten by a man, but I have been in abusive relationships. Psychologically abusive, that is. I don't have anything to compare that to, but I felt like the world was a cold, dark place when I was down that rabbit hole. I'm glad I finally dug my way out of it.

Sometimes a girl just needs a hug. It doesn't matter if she's 4 or 40. But let me give you a word of advice. Hug like you mean it.