Well, here we are. It's been a few years since I actually put my thoughts down in this forum, but I feel like it is anonymous enough, so here I go.
This summer, I turned 40. In my mind, I'm still 25. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less about the number of years that continue to tick away. As long as I have birthdays, it means I'm still alive. I don't understand why some people have such a hard time with it. Does that mean they'd rather be dead? But, I digress, that isn't what I came here today to wax philosophical about.
I've begun to reflect on aspects of my life. I imagined that I would have someone to love, live my life with and grow old by this point. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hermit by any means. I date, I have friends and I go out. But, a part of me has began to reflect on ghosts of boyfriends past. Did I let him go too soon? Was I correct in letting this one go? Was that one really the one? Was I too self-absorbed at one point to realize he was right under my nose? Should I really have said no when he proposed?
Most of my relationships have been great. But, I've also been in a few bad ones. I've never been beaten by a man, but I have been in abusive relationships. Psychologically abusive, that is. I don't have anything to compare that to, but I felt like the world was a cold, dark place when I was down that rabbit hole. I'm glad I finally dug my way out of it.
Sometimes a girl just needs a hug. It doesn't matter if she's 4 or 40. But let me give you a word of advice. Hug like you mean it.