The list of Craig

OSo, the list by Craig normally gets a bad wrap. I innocently answered an ad posted for a part time/freelance job. When I had pretty much forgotten about this post when he sent me a text asking if I were still interested in the position. 

We talked back and forth on text for a day, almost constantly, back and forth. It was a witty banter and this seemed like a really cool guy. 

The conversation steered toward a more intimate level and I stopped him right there and asked if that was what he was really wanting. He said no, he wasn't opposed to that type of arrangement, but it was honestly for the job. 

We kept talking and about 9 that night, we decided to meet the next morning. I got to see if I would be a good candidate for the job. This isn't a traditional office job, so, we met in a public place, a restaurant parking lot. We began to talk and the job never once came up. He truly was the man he had sent me pictures of, so there was some relief there! 

We did a bit of talking, and a bit of kissing, but no interviewing. So, back on the job hunt. But, who knows what may come of this fella. 

Talk to me soon! 

Just one by June?

I'm looking for just one date before my birthday with a man who is charming. One who makes me laugh. One who will open the door for me. One who will lot expect for me to go to bed with him the day we meet, or on the first date. I want a man who will treat me like a lady. Is that too much to ask? If you're out there, and reading this, call me! 

I'm still screwed up

I know you're shocked! I'm a middle aged woman who doesn't really know what she needs to do. I'm such a cliche. 

I have a few men I am interested in at the moment. They are all making my life a bit miserable. One lives in a different state. One is in some weird will they won't they situation with a woman who is married. The other is seemingly available, but it seems he may not be interested. A week or ten days will go by without hearing from him. Then, out of the blue, here he pops up with a text or phone call. Making me wonder if he possibly is still interested. And to top it all off, another one pops up and only wants a sexual relationship, because he is married. 

So, I have all these men coming at me from different directions. But then, I have to figure out what I want. Who I am. With all the things I've had to go through to get to this stage in my life, I just wonder what I need to do. 

I just want to have someone to be my person. Is that really too much to ask? 

New day, new beau

Well, I met a guy. We met online and texted for a bit before actually meeting in person. I fell in love with this man before ever laying eyes on him. I'm in well over my head. This fella is pretty great. It's been going on a few weeks now and I don't know what to do. He is such a creature of habit. He has certain places he likes to go and we don't venture to new places.

I'm excited to see where this goes. Talk soon!

What's next?

I need to suck it up and become a productive member of society. Don't get me wrong, I do have a job. I do pay taxes. But what's next?

It seems we're always looking for something bigger and better. But what happens when you run out of the next big thing? I am not saying that everything is been sunshine and roses and that I have nowhere to go but down. In fact, I've just been skating along in mediocrity.

When I say that, I'm speaking professionally not personally. I've had some amazing highs and lows on the personal aspect of my life. I'm just ready to have something professionally, where it feels like I can excel.

I don't have regrets. And I'm not saying that ironically, there's really no point in them. It does me no good to dwell on the past, to what if the situation, or to imagine another outcome. But as I sit here I can't help to think what I've done the last decade. Should I have stayed with that government job? Should I have accepted that corporate job I turned down?

Why can't we just have a map? Life would be so much easier.

Silly me

Someone came back into my life, but only for a minute. I allowed this to happen, so I'm not trying to play a sympathy card. For a very, very long time I felt that I didn't deserve a mate. Tben I started to look around. I saw all my friends paired with their "soul mates" and it got me thinking. Where's mine?

Maybe I don't deserve one. Maybe I had him and let him go. Maybe he still is yet to come. Or maybe, I'm destined to be alone. One thing I don't like is the uncertainty. I wish that I could just see what was to happen. I don't understand why I feel so alone, when I'm surrounded by people constantly.

Sometimes I let my depression get the better of me, but I try to not let it win. It's so hard living inside my head. And just think is this all there really years?

When it rains, it pours

Hello chipmunks! Well, things are a bit tricky in my world right now. I'm in transition trying to find a new job. The office I was working in closed and the lateral transfer would have me moving four hours away. So, I am not working for a company while looking for gainful employment elsewhere.

I am also trying to navigate the dating world. It's not fun. Trust me. As I told you before, there are two men who have caught my eye. One, I'm insanely attracted to and am anxious to see where it goes. The other one, not so much. He sends me multiple messages daily. He seems to have no other interests or friends outside of me. We have only been seeing each other a few weeks, so it makes me wonder what he did in his free time before that.

He is very clingy and has really big self-esteem issues. He seems to need constant reassurance. It seems as though he monitors my social networks and knows when I'm active on them all to send me direct messages saying as much.

I told him that I'm not comfortable at this point with him having children and he didn't seem to have any problem with this. I find that odd. I just don't know what to do. He's a nice enough guy, I'm just not attracted to him at this point. I want to just see if we are able to be friends. But, I don't know what to do with this. I don't deal well with confrontation. He wants to see me daily. I don't even want to see MYSELF daily!

Tell me the truth? Do you think I'm a horrible person for not wanting to bring this man into my world knowing he isn't divorced. And, even more important, that I don't want to raise his children.

I just don't know what to do. Where's Brandi when I need her?! Talk to me soon. xo