Traditions

Herr Drosselmeyer, Clara, Fritz...these are a few of my Christmas traditions. I go to see The Nutcracker each year with a friend of mine. We've gone annually for at least 15 years. Probably longer. 

It's the one consistent thing in my life. My Daffy used to make fun of me, saying that the story didn't change from the year before! But, it's the one sure thing. It's nice to have things we can count on in life. When so much is uncertain in this world, the little things make me feel so safe. 

One other thing you can count on is me watching the Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel. I love them! Especially Moonlight and Mistletoe. That has to be my favorite. It doesn't matter that five minutes into the movie I've figured out what will happen. I still watch them. I've been a bit disappointed in the new films this year, but, I still watch. 

What do you do for your holiday traditions? Talk to me soon. 

This is why we can't have nice things

Last night, I get home and pull into my garage. I'm getting my bag out of the backseat and I notice the door into my place is wide open. No lights are on and I am contemplating if I should go on inside. Then I realize that's what the dumb blonde that does in the first five minutes of every scary movie does. So, I get back into my car and back out of the driveway. 

I call the sheriff's office and ask to speak to someone I know. He's off. The guy answering asked what's was going on, and he transferred me to 911. Now, the dispatcher starts grilling me, making sure I didn't leave the door open myself etc. He stays on the phone with me until the officers arrive. 

Two squad cars drive up and tell me to stay outside. The whole time they were inspecting my house, I'm worried they're going to have to shoot someone in my living room and that's just going to piss me off. 

I have this beautiful white rug in there. It's a one of a kind and retailed for more than I care to admit! Let's just say it's hand loomed and leave it at that. 

Now, about twenty minutes go by before the two men come out to get me. But, I didn't hear any shots fired, so I'm counting it as a win. They tell me everything looks ok, nothing looks as if it had been gone through. But they want me to double check since I'm the one who lives here. 

Nothing had been stolen, thankfully. No one was bleeding to death on my rug. And all seemed to be ok. I counted these all as a win! 

They proceeded to give me a lecture about safety and advised me to call if I needed anything else. Maybe I just need a guardian. Or a pool boy to do these things for me. Feel free to apply! 

Talk to me soon! 

High School

I was part of a clique in high school that, in retrospect, was kind of like a movie mashup. We were part Mean Girls, part Heathers (without the murder,) a little bit of Clueless and some Bring It On thrown in for good measure. 

What kind of kid were you? Did you have all the "right" friends? Go to the best parties? Wear the current clothes? Did you have the world at your fingertips? I did. I just didn't realize it. Looking back, I can't believe how naïve I was. And, to an extent, I still am. I take people at their word. I will believe anything you tell me. Until you give me a reason not to, I'm going to think your words and actions are golden. 

Another trait I have is to forgive easily. I've been told it's a major flaw. But, it's ingrained into me so deeply that I really don't know that there is anything you could do to me that I would not forgive. Unless you murder me. Then, I wouldn't be here to forgive you. But chances are high I wouldn't hold it against you from beyond the grave. 

Back to high school. There are two moments in high school that still effect me to this day. I wish more than anything I could go back in time, like a book or movie. I know this isn't realistic. I had no idea that a decision would have such a long lasting change in my life. I still have a problem making rash judgement decisions, but I'm trying to work on that. 

I hope you're having a good Monday. Talk to me soon! 

What's a girl to do

For most of my life, I have always done what is expected of me. Whatever my parents wanted me to do while I was under their roof, I obliged. That has spilled over into my adulthood as well. If someone asks me to do something, chances are I'm going to say yes. Whether it is something I want to do is irrelevant. 

Just once, I want to be able to do what I want to do. I want to stand up and fight for what I want. Or who I want. I just want to be happy. Now don't get me wrong. My happiness is not contingent on another person. I know I am the only one who can make me happy. 

The problem is, I'm not making decisions that will ensure my happiness. I speak and act before I think. I make rash decisions that blow up in my face. You would think I would have learned my lesson by now and have stopped. But, I haven't. I've ruined some relationships with my hasty decisions. 

So, if I ever have a harsh word or react in a way that you may not like, please talk to me about it. I would hope you wouldn't sever ties completely with me. But, if you feel that's your only course of action, just know that I'm always here for you. Regardless of what has happened. 

J'adore mon ami! Talk to me soon. 

Put on a happy face, or why I'm not hiding in the bed crying my eyes out then apologizing

A hundred times a day people ask me how I am. I would venture that 99% of them don't really care. They want me to say I'm good, ask them some pleasantries and move on. Just once, I'd like to tell someone how I really felt in that moment. But then they'd run off scared and never speak to me again. In some instances, that might be a good thing!

Why are we conditioned to do that though? Take this week, for example. This has been the most horrible week on record for me. Yes, I have this outlet to put my thoughts to the (proverbial) paper. I have had a smile plastered on my face for five days now. But what did I really want to do? Stay in bed with my head buried under a blanket crying my eyes out. In the morning when my alarm went off, my blanket felt like it weighed 30 pounds and it was too heavy to lift off me. I wanted to call in sick to work and not get out of my pajamas all day. But, I couldn't do that. I had to soldier on and put on my clothes, look cute and go out into public. I had to fraternize with the masses. Schmooze people to make a sale. Try to make a buck, so I'd be able to sustain myself.

Yes, it was as horrible as it sounds, but, I only have myself to blame. In case you don't know of what I'm speaking, read the posts from this week and you'll be caught up. But, I'm not letting it get the best of me. You can't keep a good man up, or something like that. The facade will crumble, my cracks will begin to show. It's like when they found the Wizard behind the curtain in Oz. My persona is going to be revealed eventually. Don't get me wrong, if you're really asking me how I am, I'm going to tell you. But, if you're some random person ringing up my groceries, someone I may have a conversation once a year on Facebook or a client, I'm not going to divulge my innermost thoughts to you.

In what I like to think of as "things you probably don't really want to know about me, but I'm going to tell you anyway," here's some more gems for you. I have a bad habit of apologizing. That sounds crazy right? Well, if you've had a bad day at work and you tell me about it, I'm going to say I'm sorry your day was bad. Even though I had nothing to do with why your day went bad. I guess it's my way of empathizing with you. It drives some people in my life mad that I apologize. I don't know how to respond to that. When you tell me something like you've had a bad day, you broke your arm, the shirt you wanted was sold out or anything else along those lines, how am I supposed to respond? No, I didn't break your arm in half or buy all the shirts you wanted, but I'm still sorry that you are going through that. It may seem inconsequential when I say I'm sorry, but I truly am.

I know that I had no part in whatever it is you are telling me about, but how else should I respond? I'm honestly asking. What do you think? It doesn't diminish my sorrow for your pain, anguish or frustration. But how do you want me to respond?

Well, this has truly been one of the most grueling weeks of my life. I'm hopeful that next week will be a bit better. I'll never get over the heartache I have from the events of this week, but I'm hopeful, with time, that I will be able to get back to a state of normalcy. Or, as normal as I've ever been?! I hope your weekend is all sunshine and purple hydrangeas! Talk to me soon, au revoir mon ami!

Presents

It's that time of year again. Trying to find that perfect gift for everyone on your Christmas list. But how are we going to do that? Ask them what they want? Try to find it ourselves? Or are we going to just buy them what I would want?

Whichever way we go, it's going to be wrong. Either they'll change their mind or they won't like what I picked out. Sometimes, I think we should just skip the giftgiving, what about you?

I think that would be an incredible idea, to just skip the gifts. But, the kids would not understand. Don't give me wrong, I don't have any kids. But my niece and nephews would not have any of that. My biggest problem with them though they always wait till the last minute. And what they decided they want is the same thing every other teenager wants. So of course I can't find it.

So here I go to every online retailer I can think of every brick-and-mortar but no luck. I'll be even called friends out of town they were coming in to see if they can give me what I need. I can't be the only person that goes through this, am I? 

Talk to me soon. 

The Doors

I'm watching a documentary about The Doors. I love their music, but I'm not digging the movie. It isn't really telling me anything new. I would have learned all this information with watching the Val Kilmer movie about them. Luckily, I'm watching it at home and not wasting $12 to go see it. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all about supporting indie films. But it needs to engage me. Teach me something. Otherwise, it's a waste. 

Take the movie Boyhood for instance. That was three hours of my life I will never get back. That was the most overhyped movie in my opinion. It had a great concept and had plenty of potential. But, it fell flat. In a major way! There was no character development. I didn't know anything about any of the characters when the movie ended. Other than watching them age 12 years. 

Talk to me soon! I hope your day has been great!