Friday, November 21, 2014

To date or not to date

As you know already, S and I are no longer romantically involved. I love him dearly, and always will. No matter what happens in the future, I will always be linked to him. I have some wonderful friends who will do anything in the world for me, so I am very lucky in that respect. It will be hard though. He was my everything. I wanted to be his everything, but that was not going to happen. So, he felt it best that we end the romantic aspect of our relationship and focus on the friendship we have. 

My friends think I'm insane for staying and trying to work on a friendship. But, in our defense, we were friends before we were anything else. Granted, that was a long time ago when we were just kids. I drove him home from school and we were doing a dance that would inevitably lead to us dating for the short period of time we had together. I would stop by his house, just because I wanted to see him. He is such an amazing person, I never felt like I measured up. I don't say this from a low self-esteem viewpoint. He was just so unlike any other boys I had ever dated or known. He was amazing. He is amazing. I am lucky to have him in my life again, in whatever capacity I am able to have him. 

Now, I do have my friends to lean on, and my therapist. But, I don't bring my relationships into my family. I do love them, but they are very exasperating. They're all very passive aggressive and I do not appreciate that. They are always trying to find my loose string and unravel me. Most people have a family that builds them up, mine just seems to live so they can tear me down. I don't want to put anyone else in that, so I just keep my Fetching Companion to myself. It's better that way. For both of us, for them, what they don't know, won't 

Call me selfish if you want. But, until there is a definite reason to bring someone into that aspect of my life, I want to spare him. And me. When I'm with my guy, I want him to be comforted and satisfied. I want him to feel loved, safe and protected. Not that I could do a lot in the protection department, but I want him to know that above all else, he comes first. 

What do you think? Am I wrong? Talk to me soon. 

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