Tuesday, November 25, 2014

You've got the power!

Is like to think that I'm a strong enough person that I don't give anyone power over me. But, I'd be living in a fantasy. My doctors give advice and guide me into the medical decisions they feel I need to take. Even at 40 years old, my Mom still has power over me. She's very good with the guilt and passive aggressive manipulation. I allowed Schroeder to make all the decisions when it came to our relationship, even when it was time to end. There was also another force that played into that relationship that had a power and was able to dictate the demise of what happened. I won't go into details about that, but needless to say, I need to stop letting so many people have a controlling force in my life. 

They say that life is short. I find that a bit ironic, since it's the one thing that you'll do longer than anything else. When you're born, you start dying. Most people look at it the opposite way, you start living. But, it's just a means to an end. We are all going to die, unless you know something I don't! 

I have given a lot of weight to some decisions and they have not always panned out. Others, I don't even think about the outcome. I just get an idea in my head and I run with it, no matter the consequences. YOLO, right? Dear God, what am I, 23? I can't believe I just said YOLO, that has never came out of my mouth, or thumbs as it were. 

I don't say this out of a depression, or sadness. I just wonder if anyone else life is as controlled as mine. There are some aspects that I am able to say no, but not many. For instance, my Mom is convinced I need to start wearing makeup. I haven't worn that stuff since high school. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm a natural beauty. Nor am I saying that I'm better than anyone who does wear the stuff. I just feel like me without it on. Sure, there has been the odd day, here or there where I'd wear something. A wedding, funeral or gala. But even then, it was nothing more than some color on my lips and mascara to make my eyes pop. The most I wear now is some California Kissin by benefit. It's a clear gloss with mint built in. So, minty breath and it takes care of chapped lips! Bonus! And I normally only wear it in the winter. Who has chapped lips during the summer? 

I also stay out of the sun. No need to tempt fate. Melanoma is dangerous people! If you haven't done it lately, or ever, go get your moles checked. For me? Early detection is key. 

Alright, talk to me soon. I'm going to try and be better about giving away so much power. What are you doing? 

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