Canine Relocation Program

Ok, so my neighbors are quite annoying. I have a two bedroom condo and have lived here for years. It has been such a peaceful, quiet neighborhood. Until now. The street behind me is a set of two story townhouses. They are quite small compared to my condo and we all have patio's. The patio that is outside of my bedroom window, about 10 feet away, has three permanent residents. I have never met them, but from the sounds of them, one is a basset hound. I have no idea what the other two are, but I know they are dogs.

The people who live in this townhouse are completely deplorable animal owners. They never let their dogs come inside. So, I am left to suffer when I am in my bedroom. I am really not fans of these neighbors. I have no idea what their names are, but I have sent them very mean letters pretending to be from the homeowners association advising them that under no circumstances are they to leave their dogs outside after 6 p.m. Why 6 p.m., you ask? That's when I get off from work.

They have taken to ignoring the letters, so I am instituting the Canine Relocation Program. I have a discreet location that I am relocating them to, and it is under such great protection that even the NBC CIA Operative "Chuck" couldn't find it, because as USA Network says, it needs to be hidden "In Plain Sight."

So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, feel free to send me any and all submissions into the Canine Relocation Program. We are a non-profit start-up as well, so donations are accepted.

I'm out...justme!

What's a girl to do?

I am trying to figure out my life. I have a job with great benefits and amazing pay, but unfortunately, I do not enjoy it. What's a girl to do?

Seriously?!

Yes, I know, I use that word too often. I'm really very irritated. Why must people lie? It cannot make you feel better. If you think you're sparing my feelings, don't. I'm going to find out eventually. I would much rather you come right out and tell me the truth from day one. I'm such a naive little girl that I'm going to look for the good in you anyway. I am just like Linus, waiting and believing on The Great Pumpkin or The Easter Beagle.

Eventually, I'll move on, but not before I am the one who has come out of it damaged and bruised. I have to be put back together again and that's not a good thing. Seriously, people. We are all adults here, right? Why must you bother me with this petty, irritating and annoying stuff?

If you're here looking for lollipops and bubble gum dreams, look elsewhere. I have nothing good to say today.

Sorry to rant, but, what's a girl to do?!

Have you missed me?

Well, things have been good this week. I'm still on the prowl for a House Boy. Know anyone who would fit the bill? He'd have his own room and everything. I just need him to do the guy stuff around the house! Being a single-gal homeowner really has it's downfalls.

For instance, when something breaks, I have no idea how to fix it. When I first moved in here, my Daddy gave me a set of tools. Now, let's be honest, it was just some screwdrivers, both the plus and minus kinds, also something that you have to put put together to use. I've never touched that one! I have no idea of what to do with that, or what it is even called. I am a firm believer that people specialize in things for a reason. I have someone who colors my hair, cleans my house and changes my oil. Now if I could only get this House Boy, I'd have someone who would know why outlets no longer work, or if the pilot light has gone out. He'd also be able to change the filter in the vents, I can never get them open! He'd also be able to help with jars, and the list goes on.

Compensation package is negotiable! Come on people, can't a spoiled (grown up) little girl get some help?! Where's Daddy when you really need him?

I'll talk with you later, try not to miss me

Don't you just love it?

So, I'm a bit of a Bachelor/Bachelorette junky. I've only started watching in the last few seasons. But, Jake, are you kidding me? I'm so glad that Ali is the next Bachelorette, even if she did have to quit Facebook to do it. Jobs come and go, but if this is the real thing, then I'm glad that she is going through this.

As for my own Bachelor, things are up in the air. I'm really tired of all these games. Boys will be boys and all, but really? Give me a break already.

Lessons learned

I'm tired of all the drama.

With that being said, I have been shopping for a new washing machine. It has not been fun. It's times like this that I did wish I had a guy in my life that would deal with these things. Other times, I am so thankful that I don't have the hassles that being in a relationship involves.

Have you ever wondered what you're supposed to be doing with your life? I'm second guessing every decision I have made in the last ten years. Then again, I guess we all are, huh?

More later...

Today was fabulous

Hey there invisible audience. I hope you had a fantastic day, because I sure didn't! I want each of you to e-mail the features editor at your daily paper and ask them to carry the Humor Hotel package that the Chicago Trib is syndicating. That was the only bright spot of the day.

Have fun, maybe I'll have more words of wisdom tomorrow.

I'm out.