Saturday, January 3, 2015


I don't want to be a back-up plan. I deserve to have someone that makes me as much of a priority as I make them. I'm speaking of friends and boyfriends, hence the pronoun them. I have a bit of a problem with this statement. In theory, I wholeheartedly believe in its validity. On the other, I tend to not put it into practice for myself. I know that if someone is treating someone I care about this way, I don't have any qualms about telling that person how unjust they should feel! The indignity! You're sitting at home pining away for him/her while they are out screwing other people? He/She didn't check on you while you were sick? We hate him/her.

But, putting it into practice for myself? Yes, it makes me sad. I would like to say I have the strength to stand up to him/her and say NO MORE! But, I don't. I let myself be the victim, loser, idiot or whatever adjective you want to insert.

How do you handle this? Or, are you lucky enough to say you don't have this problem? Sometimes I wonder if I'm seriously even worth the effort. Maybe I just need to get it through my head that this is the best I'm ever going to get. I should be happy that I'm even on their radar. Then, I decide that's stupid. I really need to find a new therapist, but you guys are so much cheaper.

Talk to me soon. xo

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