Thursday, May 19, 2016

Am I really this stupid?

Yes, you read that right. Today I feel like an idiot. For many reasons. One of which would be because the way I'm allowing myself to be treated. I am head over heels in love with this man. Every single inch of my being is because of him. 

He wants something, I go buy it. He casually mentions something, I make a mental note and surprise him. I see something I think he'd like? I run and go buy it. Why? Because that's who I am. I'm a giver. I enjoy seeing the pleasure on his face when I give him something. Plus, he loves surprises. 

But how many red flags will it take for me to realize...maybe this isn't a healthy relationship. I'm not going to list the flags, because if you're reading this, and know me, you'd probably come smack me. And for good reason. 

I lie in bed and cry at night, but during the day, when I'm able to speak to him, I'm euphoric. Im giddy, I feel like a schoolgirl. But is that enough to make me happy? A part-time lover (stop singing!) is all I have. Why do I allow myself in these situations? 

When will I allow myself to be truly happy? Or, realize that I deserve to be happy? Maybe I'll just be the single, old lady that no one ever misses. 

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