Monday, May 30, 2016

Swollen eyes

well, when you wake up and your eyes are so swollen, all you can do is wonder why you cried all night in your sleep. Now I have all day to over-analyze why I was crying. I can try to say it was it was because of the month of June, which makes me very sad, but it isn't.

It is because of a choice I've made in my life. Now, I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to get myself untangled from this mess. The problem is, I don't know if I want to be untangled. As you may have guessed, this decision is about a boy.

If he's causing me this much grief and sorrow, why do I stay, you ask? It's because as much as grief as he causes me, he causes me even that much, or more, joy. My whole emotional life is such a roller coaster right now. One minute I'm up. The next I'm down. I've got such high highs and low lows that I never know from one minute to the next. Am I going to be laughing or crying? No, I'm not bipolar, not that there is anything wrong with having that mental illness. I am just depressed. So very depressed. And yes, that is a medical diagnosis. Not a self-proclamation.

I'm sitting here typing this and the tears are rolling down my face as steady as a stream. So, I think that's my cue to stop writing for now. If you have any tips or advice, feel free to comment. I'd love to know that anyone is listening.

Talk to me soon, xoxo

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