Saturday, February 27, 2010

Today was fabulous

Hey there invisible audience. I hope you had a fantastic day, because I sure didn't! I want each of you to e-mail the features editor at your daily paper and ask them to carry the Humor Hotel package that the Chicago Trib is syndicating. That was the only bright spot of the day.

Have fun, maybe I'll have more words of wisdom tomorrow.

I'm out.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Another day, another headache

Well, I've been back at work for a couple of weeks now, I'm still sick, have been for almost three months now. It has been quite a joy ride, let me tell you. I'm trying to get myself in a better place, mentally and physically. I have been ignoring myself for a bit, but that's about to end. This boy has turned me upside down and I'm going to get my life back in order. When I do, if he comes back around, I hope I have the strength to say no. He sure does have a hold on me though, so, I'll have to stand strong. The million dollar question is this, can I?

So, you know that song Wanted, dead or alive by Bon Jovi? What year did that come out? Sometime in the 80's, right? Well, all this time, I've wondered what a stale horse was. I had an epiphany today when I realized that the line of the song was actually talking about a steel horse. I assume that means a motorcycle. Seriously?

I'll have more words of wisdom for you tomorrow. Miss me!

Sunday, February 21, 2010


Hello to all the people not reading this blog. I had another blog on a different site and to streamline things, I decided to combine the two together, so, that is the reasoning for all the multiple posts today.

I have a problem. I have been seeing this guy and for the life of me, I'm not sure why I have entered into this relationship.

Why do I get myself in these situations? I'm very annoyed.

**sidenote? Why didn't I go into more details here? Sorry to be so vague.

It's over

Well, Hot Ness Monster and I are finished. It wasn't going to work, Pancakes and Brownie did NOT get along! But, Hot Ness realized that Pancakes was more important and he bowed out gracefully. I have to commend him for that. I guess it's a good thing, since I'm married...have I told you that story? I promised to fill you in on the polygamy story in my last post, so here goes.

Well, I have a husband and wife that live in Belgium. We met on and we lived happily ever after. At least until I ran them out of the country! Speaking of polygamy, have you tried Polygamy Porter? It's a fabulous porter out of a little brewery in Salt Lake City. Back to the original story...

So, here I was, all alone and playing on the Internet. I stumbled across and the rest is history. Jean and Chris, my husband and wife. They are two of the coolest people you would ever meet. They lived in D.C. and I was all by myself in Washington State. We met up occasionally as our respective situations would allow. Although it was never enough, we made the best of the time we had together. We were able to meet up in Kansas City and D.C. a few times. But, before we knew it, we were on separate continents.

So far, it's working out fabulously. Maybe that has to do with the five time zones between us? I'm hopeful that one day, we will be reunited, but until then, I guess I'm just stuck here all alone...what's a girl to do? Questions? Ask away!

Big Love...

My vast knowledge of religion

So, I have a funny story to tell. You may have heard this before, but I wanted to get it out there for everyone to see just how evolved I am in my religion. It's a bit long, but worth it! Keep reading!

I was raised Southern Baptist, as most people in the Bible Belt of the country were. Now, when I got into high school, I began to experiment a bit with other religions. Now, I'm not talking Wicca or anything, but I went to a few churches that were a different religion other than Baptist. One was even nondenominational!

Anyway, do you remember the infomercials that the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints used to have? I do. They talked about the Mormon religion and it sounded interesting, so I thought, what the heck? I may as well check it out! At the end of the infomercial, it showed a phone number to call and get a copy of the Book of Mormon. So, me being the follower that I was, picked up the phone and began to dial. I happily gave all my contact information to the rep on the other end of the line and began the wait for my very own copy! I could hardly wait, I was going to learn all about this new religion that I did not know a single soul who had ever been a Mormon. I was quite the cosmopolitan girl! Suffice to say, two days later, I forgot all about the book.

Then, one day, I received this package and it turned out to be my Book of Mormon. I got all excited again and decided to read it to find out what this religion was all about. Now, I was working at Chick-fil-A at the time, so I was all excited about it. I was going to go and tell my Christian co-workers all about this new religion I had uncovered.

Well, I began to read the book. When I got to the part about Jesus discovering America, I quit reading. Surely that wasn't right?! Wasn't it Christopher Columbus? Were my history books deceiving me? I looked at the introduction to the book and found that Mormonism was founded by the great Brigham Young in 1830. So, I knew it was a little fishy at that point. I put the book down and forgot all about my foray into becoming a Mormon.

Now, fast forward a month or so. At the time I still lived with my parents, I was about 17 or 18, I'm not sure. One night, I was there all by myself and the doorbell rang. Of course, I answered it. Three men in black pants and white shirts were standing on the front porch. They asked if I was home. I told them it was me and asked them in. (No, I didn't ask who they were, but they knew my name, so surely they were safe, right?! Yes, I am *that* naive.)

I invited them into the living room and they gave me their names, Elder Smith, Elder Jones and Elder Jackson. They had come from the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints to talk to me about the Book of Mormon that I received.

They begin their whole talk about the religion, the benefits and the true greatness of becoming a Mormon and living a true testimony to Jesus Christ. They talked for maybe 20 or 30 minutes and asked if I had any questions. I told them that I was just amazed. At that point, they all got big grins on their faces and thought they had reeled me in. One of the Elder's asked me what I was amazed by. To this I responded...I have never heard of anyone named Elder and here all three of you are named it! What a coincidence.

No, I'm not kidding. It took them a minute to regain their composure, but when they finally did, they explained that it was their title in the church, not their first name. After that, I had nothing. I really was that naive. I promise! In some aspects, I still am, but hey, that's one of the qualities you love about me, isn't it?

Keep reading, maybe one day I'll tell you about my experience with!

Me, Nessy, Brownie and Pancakes, are we able to coexist?

Good Morning! I hope you are all doing well. Brownie and Pancakes you're asking yourself? Why just one Brownie and multiple Pancakes? Let me explain.

A bit of background information first. I live in a condo complex and there are at least 100 of them in there, so obviously I don't know most of my neighbors. Ok, so I only know like a handful of them. It's not my fault, I've only lived there 12 years!

Back to the Brownie/Pancakes conundrum. There is this really hot guy that lives on the street behind me. He sort of pops up from nowhere and disappears just as quickly. It's strange, but true. For this reason, I've decided he is like the Loch Ness Monster and to call him Nessy. I'll give you an example. Yesterday, I was standing in my laundry room and I saw his dog, a big chocolate Lab with a tennis ball in his mouth, standing in my front yard. I also named his dog and decided it was a girl. Her name is Brownie. How did I see the dog if I'm in my laundry room, you ask? Well, there are several windows in the front of my condo and it's just a single level. I know what you're thinking, surely there are curtains or blinds? Nope. You're wrong. I have neither covering up the windows or doors in my house. Again, I digress.

I went and threw on some shoes, threw a few things in a trash bag and hauled it outside to see this mystical creature. Of course, they were both gone. Keep in mind this was all in a minute, literally, since I saw them in my front yard. I assumed they were going to the common area up front to play with Brownie's ball. Since the trash compactor or box or whatever it's called, is up front too, I went up there. Nessy and Brownie had vanished into thin air.

I talked to the one neighbor that I do know and told her about my sighting. She too has seen Nessy and Brownie, but they appear and disappear as quickly as they can. I don't know where they go, it's a mystery to me.

Since Nessy and I are going to live happily ever after, is Brownie going to be able to coexist with my cat? Her name is Pancakes. She's big, white and fluffy. She has the most gorgeous blue eyes, they look like the Mediterranean, if she were a woman, I'd swear they were contacts! Last night, I took her on a test run outside to see how she'd cope if other animals were around. Lanie and Coco from down the street came over to help me out with this. Now, they are not the same size as Brownie, but I thought they'd be a good place to start, since they are dogs as well. I'm sad to say, they didn't like her. They barked and growled at her and she just stood there, like a lady with her grand posture and didn't even bat an eye. She made Mama so proud!

Did I mention that Pancakes is ceramic? So, I guess the big question is will we all be able to coexist? I guess you'll have to stay tuned and find out!

I'm such a wordsmith

Hello everyone out there! Now, some of you I already work with and you know who you are. I interviewed for a position about a month ago and I was told that I basically had the job, but the company was currently in a hiring freeze. Well, now I'm waiting in limbo. This job is going to be a lot better for me. I'm ready to get out of the place that I'm in now and I'm really not happy with it. Don't think I'm badmouthing anyone, my current boss knows that I'm not happy and that she should not count on me for the long haul in this position.

So, I guess the moral of the story is that I'm in limbo. I'm still off for my tonsillectomy. Apparently, I am not healing as quickly as I should be. The doctor said I needed to take at least another two weeks off. I guess I shouldn't have thought my sister was crazy when she said I'd probably be off for six weeks!

You'd think I would put this time to good use. Cleaning out my house, sorting through all that stuff that I just had to have at one time, only to find out that I really don't need it and it's just cluttering up my place. I have a lot of that kind of stuff! But, alas, I'm not. I am procrastinating. I'm really good at that! I just wish someone would come to my house and tell me what to do! I find all sorts of other things to do. I mean really, I can't ignore my boyfriend. Have I told you about him?

In case I haven't, or you've forgotten, his name is TiVo. He's the best. He has the stuff I like waiting on me when I get home. He's just fabulous! I can't really ignore him when I'm home all day long, can I? I don't want him to feel left out, or forgotten. I mean, really, he just might get mad at me. One day, I might come home and there'd be no Young and the Restless. Where would I be then? I'd have to sit up until midnight and watch it on SoapNet. Where would I be then? Seriously? If I'm up at midnight, it better be for something other than the Newman's! So, to keep TiVo happy, I pay as much attention to him as I can. Relationships are a two-way street, right?

Now, in case you haven't heard enough of my ramblings, I have to tell you about some new friends I've made. The Salinger's. Do you know them, Charlie, Bailey, Julia, Claudia and Owen? They're all pretty great. I don't know Owen that well. He doesn't talk very much. But, the rest of them are pretty great. There's also Kirsten, she's their Nanny and Charlie's girlfriend. But, you may have gotten to know them in the 90's. Me, for whatever reason, it's taken more than a decade and Comcast OnDemand for me to get to know them. This was a pretty good show, but would the San Francisco DCS really just leave them alone to live their own lives? What does that say about that system? Yes, I know, it was scripted, it's not a reality show. But, they needed stability. I guess Charlie and Kirsten provided that. Charlie is currently thinking of moving the family to Seattle. I'm on the edge of my seat here, does he go? No one is going with him, so I can't see him leaving them alone. But, it's pretty good money and we all know they need it!

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands. I've been off work for two and a half weeks! I had to entertain myself somehow! Talk to me soon!