Have you ever heard the song She by Elvis Costello? If I had to pick, I would say it is my favorite song. It is such a beautiful song. It makes me very happy and sad at the same time. That sounds like a strange thing to say about a song I love. Let me explain.
There have been times in my past when I thought of what my wedding day would look like. All little girls have done this, even some big girls! This is the song that I wanted to be sung as I walked down the aisle. To me, my husband would have felt the way about me, that Elvis sings in this beautiful ballad. I don't know if I can post the lyrics on this site without it being a copyright infringement, so I won't. Instead, I'll post a link to the site that has the lyrics, She by Elvis Costello for you to find.
I knew who I wanted to sing the song, in case I couldn't get Elvis to do it, I needed a backup plan. This song makes me smile when it comes on. But, as it continues, it also makes me sad. The reason is because I know I will never get married. I know I will never walk down the aisle while this is sung. I also know that I'll never have anyone who feels this way about me.
Not having a wedding, or being married, isn't such a big deal to me. I'm somewhat happy. Sort of self-sufficient. But, when I think of never having anyone to wake up with, or someone to come home to, someone I can always count on. That makes me sad. It makes me so very sad. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not tying my happiness up with a man. And, I don't think that a man will ensure my happiness. I just feel sort of pouty.
Why not me? Why shouldn't I have someone in my life? I have a great circle of friends to rely on. I know that any number of them would come running, if I needed. But, they will still go home to their wives and husbands. I just want someone to be my person. Is that so wrong?
Talk to me soon. xo