Thursday, December 18, 2014

How I got a black eye and Trypanophobia

This is a long, winding road to get to the point! Stay with me, you'll want to see what happens in the end.

I had to go today and have 35 injections in my head. (This is relevant, I promise, stay with me.) I was in a car accident when I was 16 and in a coma for a couple weeks. I've had problems with migraines and headaches since then. The injections are the last resort to try and help curb these pesky migraines. In all honesty, I'm down to 2-3 a month instead of 5-10. So, I consider this a win. I still have headaches on a daily basis, but I've learned to live with that.

I hate needles. With a passion. It's one of the very few things in life I can honestly say I hate. I get all panicky and start to hyperventilate if I see a needle coming at me. Or, one stuck in me, like an IV. There have been many times where I've passed out while they were taking my blood or trying to inject me with something. I pray daily that I never become an insulin dependent diabetic. If you are, you are one brave cookie! In light of my phobia of needles, or Trypanophobia, my neurologist has prescribed Valium for me to take before I come in for the injections. Now, I only go every three months and he writes the script for 4 pills. So, I'm not going to become a junkie, in case you were going to lecture me.

My appointment today was supposed to be Tuesday originally, so I had already taken the allotment of Valium for this appointment on Tuesday. The appointment had to be rescheduled at the last minute, so I didn't have anything to take today to calm me down. As I was telling Schroeder this, he said I should just suck it up and quit being such a loser. (Not his exact words, but the basic sentiment.)

I go in today, get my injections and it was horrible. I didn't pass out, but when I walked out of the office and to the desk to schedule my next appointment, a teenage girl and her mom kept starting at me. I was crying and my face was all red and blotchy from having to sit through that myself. The teenager's eyes were so big, I thought they would pop out of her head! I made my appointment and checked out. They were doing the same at the terminal next to me. I walked to the elevator, still crying. When I got on, the same teenager and mom had turned the corner and went down the elevator with me. I'm sobbing. It was quite the scene. As we all got out in the lobby, the mom put her hand on my shoulder and said "we'll pray for you." I looked at her and was able to squeak out "thank you."

In hindsight, me freaking out, sobbing and inconsolable, leaving a neurologist's office, I'm pretty sure they're praying for my brain cancer to heal. Luckily, I don't have brain cancer, it was just the medicinal injections that were making me cry. But, on the plus side, someone is praying for me tonight!

Now, to get to what happened after the appointment. Apparently, my sarcasm doesn't translate well to someone who hasn't been around me for a long time. I had something happen today that has not happened in a very long time. I'm hopeful you'll be as surprised as me. Maybe I had it coming? Or, I deserved it? You tell me.

Since the whole romantic thing with Schroeder ended, I haven't wanted to try to go out with anyone else. He and I are still friends, so we talk and text. You might think that is strange, but I do love him. If all we are destined to be is friends, that doesn't change my love for him, so I'm thankful to have him in my life in whatever capacity I am able to have him.

There were a couple guys I was casually seeing before S and I got back together. They are both still texting or calling me to try to get back together, but I truly felt nothing but friendship for either of them. I have explained, ad nauseam, to both of them that I have no romantic feelings for either. They think they can change my mind, but, when it's not there, it is just not there. I don't think it would be fair to go out with either of these guys when I know their feelings are deeper than that for me. They disagree, they think they can change my mind.

Instead, I agreed to go on a blind date. I've gone out with this guy Brian three times. I was still trying to feel him out (metaphorically, not physically) and see if this was going to be something I wanted to continue to pursue. Normally, by the third or fourth date, I know. Sometimes it takes longer, and sometimes I know right away. My initial thoughts were this, he seemed nice enough. He called to check on me, or sent me messages just to say hi because he was thinking of me. I was beginning to think that maybe this could turn into something. But, I'm still cautious. I have had my heart in a locked chamber for so long before S that I didn't know if I really wanted to let someone else in. I felt that when S and I ended the romantic part of our relationship, I would never let anyone else into my heart. I've got it locked up and it has a very thick wall around it. With a moat.

Let me tell you what happened today. After I left the neurologist office, Brian texted me and asked me to stop by his place. Since I hadn't taken anything, I was driving myself, so I went by there. We were talking, laughing and he was trying to get me in a better mood since I was still upset about the injections. We were talking about something that happened to him at work yesterday. He said something about a co-worker insulting him about a mistake he made at work and I came back with a witty retort. He spun around and looked at me with fire and fury in his eyes and asked "what did you say?" So I repeated it "I don't make mistakes, I date them." I was only trying to be funny because that's who I am. As he was walking toward me, I told him I was just trying to be funny.

The next thing I know, I'm flat on the ground. He punched me. He told me to get out of his place and never come back. Luckily, he only hit me once. But, once is still one too many. Now I am probably going to have a beautiful black eye. What do you think? Is he in the right here? Are we both to blame? Talk to me soon.

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