Sunday, February 21, 2010

Me, Nessy, Brownie and Pancakes, are we able to coexist?

Good Morning! I hope you are all doing well. Brownie and Pancakes you're asking yourself? Why just one Brownie and multiple Pancakes? Let me explain.

A bit of background information first. I live in a condo complex and there are at least 100 of them in there, so obviously I don't know most of my neighbors. Ok, so I only know like a handful of them. It's not my fault, I've only lived there 12 years!

Back to the Brownie/Pancakes conundrum. There is this really hot guy that lives on the street behind me. He sort of pops up from nowhere and disappears just as quickly. It's strange, but true. For this reason, I've decided he is like the Loch Ness Monster and to call him Nessy. I'll give you an example. Yesterday, I was standing in my laundry room and I saw his dog, a big chocolate Lab with a tennis ball in his mouth, standing in my front yard. I also named his dog and decided it was a girl. Her name is Brownie. How did I see the dog if I'm in my laundry room, you ask? Well, there are several windows in the front of my condo and it's just a single level. I know what you're thinking, surely there are curtains or blinds? Nope. You're wrong. I have neither covering up the windows or doors in my house. Again, I digress.

I went and threw on some shoes, threw a few things in a trash bag and hauled it outside to see this mystical creature. Of course, they were both gone. Keep in mind this was all in a minute, literally, since I saw them in my front yard. I assumed they were going to the common area up front to play with Brownie's ball. Since the trash compactor or box or whatever it's called, is up front too, I went up there. Nessy and Brownie had vanished into thin air.

I talked to the one neighbor that I do know and told her about my sighting. She too has seen Nessy and Brownie, but they appear and disappear as quickly as they can. I don't know where they go, it's a mystery to me.

Since Nessy and I are going to live happily ever after, is Brownie going to be able to coexist with my cat? Her name is Pancakes. She's big, white and fluffy. She has the most gorgeous blue eyes, they look like the Mediterranean, if she were a woman, I'd swear they were contacts! Last night, I took her on a test run outside to see how she'd cope if other animals were around. Lanie and Coco from down the street came over to help me out with this. Now, they are not the same size as Brownie, but I thought they'd be a good place to start, since they are dogs as well. I'm sad to say, they didn't like her. They barked and growled at her and she just stood there, like a lady with her grand posture and didn't even bat an eye. She made Mama so proud!

Did I mention that Pancakes is ceramic? So, I guess the big question is will we all be able to coexist? I guess you'll have to stay tuned and find out!

I'm such a wordsmith

Hello everyone out there! Now, some of you I already work with and you know who you are. I interviewed for a position about a month ago and I was told that I basically had the job, but the company was currently in a hiring freeze. Well, now I'm waiting in limbo. This job is going to be a lot better for me. I'm ready to get out of the place that I'm in now and I'm really not happy with it. Don't think I'm badmouthing anyone, my current boss knows that I'm not happy and that she should not count on me for the long haul in this position.

So, I guess the moral of the story is that I'm in limbo. I'm still off for my tonsillectomy. Apparently, I am not healing as quickly as I should be. The doctor said I needed to take at least another two weeks off. I guess I shouldn't have thought my sister was crazy when she said I'd probably be off for six weeks!

You'd think I would put this time to good use. Cleaning out my house, sorting through all that stuff that I just had to have at one time, only to find out that I really don't need it and it's just cluttering up my place. I have a lot of that kind of stuff! But, alas, I'm not. I am procrastinating. I'm really good at that! I just wish someone would come to my house and tell me what to do! I find all sorts of other things to do. I mean really, I can't ignore my boyfriend. Have I told you about him?

In case I haven't, or you've forgotten, his name is TiVo. He's the best. He has the stuff I like waiting on me when I get home. He's just fabulous! I can't really ignore him when I'm home all day long, can I? I don't want him to feel left out, or forgotten. I mean, really, he just might get mad at me. One day, I might come home and there'd be no Young and the Restless. Where would I be then? I'd have to sit up until midnight and watch it on SoapNet. Where would I be then? Seriously? If I'm up at midnight, it better be for something other than the Newman's! So, to keep TiVo happy, I pay as much attention to him as I can. Relationships are a two-way street, right?

Now, in case you haven't heard enough of my ramblings, I have to tell you about some new friends I've made. The Salinger's. Do you know them, Charlie, Bailey, Julia, Claudia and Owen? They're all pretty great. I don't know Owen that well. He doesn't talk very much. But, the rest of them are pretty great. There's also Kirsten, she's their Nanny and Charlie's girlfriend. But, you may have gotten to know them in the 90's. Me, for whatever reason, it's taken more than a decade and Comcast OnDemand for me to get to know them. This was a pretty good show, but would the San Francisco DCS really just leave them alone to live their own lives? What does that say about that system? Yes, I know, it was scripted, it's not a reality show. But, they needed stability. I guess Charlie and Kirsten provided that. Charlie is currently thinking of moving the family to Seattle. I'm on the edge of my seat here, does he go? No one is going with him, so I can't see him leaving them alone. But, it's pretty good money and we all know they need it!

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands. I've been off work for two and a half weeks! I had to entertain myself somehow! Talk to me soon!

Are you kidding me?

So, if you have been keeping up, you already know that I had my tonsils out last Monday. It's not been a picnic, let me tell you! Apparently, I have no tolerance for narcotics and the silly messages and e-mails I have sent out in my drug induced stupor have been quite funny. So, I apologize to all of you (and you know who you are!) who have been subjected to my madness.

In addition to this, I have also had some really strange dreams! I have been dreaming about people and places that I haven't seen or thought about in years! I mean, people from high school mixed with people from college and we're all in a location that none of the three groups of people would have ever been at during the same time. I won't go into details here of these dreams, no need to let you in on all the madness that is going on inside my head. I have to keep some air of mystery, right?

Well, needless to say, I have absolutely no desire to go down any path that involves narcotics in my future! I guess being a drug rep is out...I'll talk to you soon!

Tonsils

Well, I had my tonsils out yesterday. It was not fun. Last night, I was on some pretty good pain medicine, so I was feeling pretty good. I could talk and laugh. Today, it's a much worse story! I've just been laying in bed and hoping that the pain would subside...so far, it hasn't. Something tells me it won't for quite some time! So, feel free to e-mail or message me. I'm just laying here looking for something to do!

It hurts to swallow and I'm really thirsty. So, those two are not a good combination! I hope you are all doing well. I just knew that you were dying to know what was happening today.

Too much People Magazine?

So, I keep up with my celebrity gossip just like everyone else does. It's my guilty pleasure. I wouldn't know who half of the musicians were or what they looked like if it wasn't for the good people at People. Now, with that said, I *have* to tell you about this dream I had last night.

So, I am at work. Where this mysterious workplace is, I cannot tell you. All I know was that I was in Knoxville. I wasn't doing any kind of work that I normally would. But, I'll get to that in a minute. I didn't know any of the people who worked with me and I am not really sure what all their jobs were. Now that I've given you some clarifying background, I'll get to the actual dream.

Everyone is standing around all excited about the people we were expecting in that day. I'm not sure if I worked at a spa, salon or a music venue. But, we were expecting Joel Madden. Not the whole band, I don't think, but just him. Now, he was coming in to get his mustache shaved. Now, I don't think he has a mustache, but that's beside the point. He came in and it was someone else's job to put the shaving cream on his face. This person covered his entire face, including a goatee that he had in the dream. He was very specific. Do not shave off the goatee, just clean up his face and shave off the mustache.

My job was to shave the mustache and it was someone else's job to "clean up" the rest of his facial hair. I did my job, shaved off the mustache at the same time the other person was doing the rest of his face. I finished faster than the other person. (I'm cannot remember if it was a guy or a girl, but for the sake of argument. Let's just say she.) She asked if I would help her out, it was taking longer than she expected. So, I started to work on cleaning up his goatee. Well, I was just trimming it up, but for some reason, I was using my Purple Schick Quattro ladies razor. Eww, why would I ever let someone else use my razor, much less use it on someone else myself? Did I say eww?

As soon as I took one swipe at trimming his goatee, he went ballistic! He jumped which made me cut his chin. At this point, he was so mad, he just wiped all the shaving cream off his face. I went into the other room and started crying. I'm in this room, all alone and he comes in and shuts the door. He apologizes to me and says that he cannot believe he went off like that and it isn't like him. I apologize for doing the wrong thing and we start talking. I have no idea what we talked about or for how long.

Next thing I know, we're going to eat dinner somewhere in Knoxville with me, Joel and his entourage. We went to a normal restaurant here in Knoxville, but we went past the hostess stand, and back to the back of the restaurant and down a long hallway that had VIP with an arrow pointing the way spray painted on the wall as we went through. Classy, huh? At this point, I'm thinking, "Knoxville has VIP rooms in restaurants?!"

When we get back to the VIP section, it's just a big roller skating rink. I kid you not. So, he says let's go skating. I try to explain the sock conundrum to him since I'm wearing my Birk's. He says not to worry. This rink does not require skates. To which I give him the same answer. I'm not skating with my bare feet where other bare feet have been. Now, I'm no priss, but eww. I don't know when the last time these people washed their feet, or this rink, for that matter! Again, he tells me not to worry. He's got it covered.

Now, keep in mind I don't know Joel, I don't know anyone who know's someone who's dog peed on his lawn or their cousin's mother-in-law's step son's sister walked by him once. So, he may be a gentle, loving and nurturing man at heart, but I don't know if he is or he isn't. Back to my dream.

He tells me not to worry, he puts his arm around me and he takes me out on the rink, Birk's and all. Somehow, once we step onto the rink, my sandal's become skates. They don't have wheel's that magically appear on the bottom, but somehow, I'm skating in Birkenstocks. He's got his arm around me and we're talking and laughing. He tells me he isn't happy in his life, but that he has to stay with Nicole Richie but they just had a baby, so he feels like he has to. He didn't have all those yucky tattoo's all up and down his arms. Actually, he didn't have any tattoo's at all. So, it was like it was him, but it really wasn't. I'm not sure. But, anyway, that's just a minor detail.

I don't think we actually ate at this VIP section, nor did anyone else. We only came there to skate. When we were finished, he began telling me that he really wanted to be with me, but he made a promise to Nicole before he left that he wouldn't get involved with anyone else while he was gone. So, he kissed me and he left.

Seriously?! I don't know what I did before I went to bed last night, but that was messed up! I wonder what a therapist would say about that one?! Oh well, I'm off to have my tonsils out in a few hours. I'll tell you more of my exciting stories and dreams later. I know you're just dying to find out what happens next!

Wise words

I've just finished a conversation with a new friend (a live one, not on here) and I realized that I needed to tell you a few things. So, hold onto your seats, I'm in an odd mood now. Good, but odd. Have I told you lately that I love The Drive By Truckers?

Well, I know you're dying to know what's going on with the car. It's fixed. Apparently there was corrosion around the computer. I'm assuming this was from living on Puget Sound for a year with all the rain and salt water. I was warned that within 18 months, I would be replacing my breaks due to the rust and corrosion. But, I was only there 12 and I had to change my breaks a few months ago. But, of course I forgot about that until this happened and they were all baffled as to how this happened. It was quite pleasing to be able to have a cohesive answer for this to give to the car experts!

"It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit." Anyone know what movie this came from, or who said it? Samantha Baker said it, but that's all you're getting out of me! I just wanted to say thanks for you reading my rants and raves, but I wanted to do it in an original way. But, I guess since these are someone else's words, it's not that original. But, it's better than thank you, right?!

Now, I have one final gripe that I need to get off my chest. Your is your. You're is you are. Why can't people figure this out? Are contractions not taught in the school system any more? At any point?! I went to my mailbox a few days ago and if you don't know where I live, then I'll explain. They're all in a little gazebo-type building at the front of my condominium complex. There's a little bulletin board for residents to post signs. Normally, I don't pay attention to them, I know, I'm a terrible neighbor. But, if you want me to know something, come tell me. Don't hang it up at the mailbox and expect me to read it. Anyway, the whole reason I'm writing this particular paragraph is because of what was on there a few days ago. There was a big sign with the following words. "Your welcome to come to our Vacation Bible School."

I kid you not. Now, you'd think that if one person made this, someone would have had to look over it, to edit or proofread. If not, someone made copies of this. Someone had to walk around (or drive) to the various locations to hang these. I cannot believe that the same person did all of those things. So, for that church, I feel sorry that they have these fliers up all over Halls. But, no one asked me and no one has yet to make me the spelling police. A girl can dream...

I've got Xanax and I'm not afraid to use it!

If you're reading this, I'm assuming you're caught up on what happeded on Tuesday. If not, you need to read the "How I spent my Tuesday" blog first.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, nothing happened. So, I assumed the battery fixed all the issues. Well, I was wrong. On Saturday, I went to work and when I got off at midnight, I went out to my car. It's lit up like the Fourth of July inside there again. The outside lights were not doing anything, they weren't on, or flashing, just the inside. Now, bear in mind that it's about 12:15 a.m. at this point and of course Scott and Mom are asleep. So, I just stand there for a bit and contemplate getting in and starting the thing. Even though I'm a baby and I was scared, I didn't want to bother anyone that late and so I just sucked it up and got in. Even though the outside lights were not on or flashing, I checked to see if the switch for them was on, it wasn't. So, when started the car thinking that everyone has a time to go and if that was mine, so be it. It wasn't. The car didn't blow up, it worked just fine and as soon as I started the car, the interior lights went out. I called Scott on Sunday on my way to work and asked him about this, he said he had no idea and that it sounded electrical and that maybe I needed to talk to Gary, a family friend and the head man at the body shop that I take all my cars after I have wrecked them. Yes, it happens a lot. This is my 13th car! Judge not, lest ye be judged! Only like one or two of them were my fault and those were in the beginning and didn't even really do a lot of damage. I did have one car Senior year of high school that I had like 10 or 12 wrecks in before it was finally totally demolished. The safe driver discount I see on my car insurance statement makes me giggle each time I see it!

Sorry, I tend to get off track! Back to the story, I know you are on the edge of your seat for what happens next.

Last night, I got off around 9. I went out to leave, I started walking to the car. Same thing happened. My car was putting on a light show for everyone to see. The only difference was that it was the exterior lights were flashing and going nuts. The interior lights were behaving themselves and staying off. So, at this point, I'm ready to give up on this car. I assumed it wasn't going to blow up, so I got in and checked the light switch, sure enough, it's off. The emergency lights button was off too, so that wasn't it.

I left work and called Gary. I was on my way home, got to my complex, drove in and as I was driving back to my street, the power steering went out. Luckily, I am on the end, and I only have about 8 feet or so of a front yard between the road and my dirveway. Now, I am a big girl, but apparently, I am not very strong. I was able to turn the wheel just enough to go into my driveway, but then I was not able to get it to straighten out So, I ran into the curb that lines my driveway. I was in my driveway, the car was almost completely out of the street and it was at an angle, so I just turned off the car. No, it did not dawn on my to put on the brake when I realized that I was not going to be able to turn into the driveway.

I got up this morning, went out to leave and it looked like a drunk had parked my car, but I had a solid excuse. I started the car, expecting it either to not work, blow up or lift off into the air at this point, really, it could do anything and it would not surprise me. It worked just like nothing had ever happened. So, that is the end of my story. appreciate it. Maybe I should learn all this myself. Know of anyplace a girl can take night classes on cars?

Well, that's For now...I'm sure there will be more.